azaya | Fritter: 7.5

Is this the last post of generation seven? Could it be? Is it?

When we left off, Almond and the three oldest members of generation seven were vacationing on Pincushion Island.

Almond: Hm, yes, I do believe those are tits.

Almond: Oh. Furry tits. Not interested.

By the way, this is the bar.

I feel like GoS would've loved this, Back In The Day.

Harriet: Whoa, baby, shake it, don't break it!

Magenta: God, your taste is abominable.

Tourguide McPastypants: *notices nothing*

Chelsea: I like that the drinking age is nonexistent on this island.

Yeah, that didn't already get you into incest-tinged trouble or anything.

Blondie von Bartender: Hey girl, ever kissed someone outside your family tree? Because I'd love to be that someone.

Tourguide McPastypants: *peers*

Almond: Let's move here!

Townie From Earlier: *lurks*

Chelsea: Hmm. I think I'll call the police. You know, just in case.

Good idea.

Townie From Earlier: HEY, WHAT'S UP! I'M IN YOUR HOUSE AND I LIKE TO TALK REALLY LOUDLY.

Chelsea: Uh, yeah, hi! Shit, what was the police's new number? 0118 999 881 999 119 725... 3?

I'm positive we didn't do anything lamp-worthy this vacation, but sure, thanks!

Genie Midlock: Denied.

Magenta: Rudeness!

Why are you white, though?

Chelsea: DUDE. 8D

Harriet: I'll roll you for heir. Oops, I win!

Chelsea: SABOTAGE

Magenta: Oh my goodness, you must go through so much shaving cream!

Don't be silly, Madge, it's No-Shave November.

Side note: did anyone else ever notice how creepy the description for the tiki food bar is? It's basically like "lol cultural appropriation is cheeky and fun!"

Either way, the girls had some pineapple for lunch.

Harriet, what's the matter?

Harriet: M-my pineapple was... was... UNDERCOOOOOOOKED!

At last it was time to go home, and put drunken incest and underdone fruits behind us forever.

Almond got a tan.

Yes, that's right. This is Almond with a tan.

Cameo and her booty call Jonathan were going at it the entire time Almond and the girls were on Pincushion Island. That's a marathon sex-sion, I'd say.

Also, I installed some new hacks.

Magenta: TELL ME ONE OF THEM WASN'T TEEN WEREWOLLLLLLLVES

It was. 8D

Magenta: THANK GOD IT'S NO-SHAVE NOVEMBERRRRRRR

Cameo's almost at elder. I think she might be going a wee bit senile in advance.

You guys I will punch you in every single face.

Cosmo: It's fine, though! You neutered me!

EVERY. SINGLE. FACE.

Omri: I hope no one from my class sees me.

Don't worry, bb, we're not judgmental in this sims game.

Cameo: Hooray, now I'm of an age where no one will question it if I wear my clothes in the bathtub!

Fairuza: That's odd, suddenly I feel an overwhelming urge to tell the God of Death something...

Death: Yeah? What's that?

Fairuza: NOT TODAY!

Winona: NOOOOOO! Fairuza, my love, why did you have to go so soon?!

Winona: You can't tell, but actually I'm smiling, because my wife narrowly avoided death.

Cosmo: That neon flamingo on the wall there is—

Regina: Don't even try it.

Cosmo: Man, I'm hungry.

Cosmo: Hungry for love.

Also regular hungry.

Cosmo: Nah, just hungry for love.

Disapproving Frog: *disapproves of this blatant falsehood*

Cosmo: What is this stabbing pain in my belly? Am I not getting enough love?

Cosmo: I am really hungry! But I can't eat Harriet.

Cosmo: But I can eat these chips.

Fairuza: STILL NOT TODAY, CHUMP.

Regina: Oh, good, you found the chips.

Omri found teenhood.

Winona: Chelsea, clear the dishes.

Chelsea: Nah, that's okay, Grandma, I'll let you do it.

Winona: ...SO FAIRUZA, I GOT THIS NEW LUBE AT THE DRUG STORE—

Chelsea: Jesus Christ, all right, I'm clearing!

Fairuza: So, where's that new lube? ;D

Miss Pretty: The time is nigh.

Baron: Capital!

This seems ominous.

Cosmo: I'm ravenous again, but I guess I have time to give the cat a snuggle first!

Baron: Stupendous.

Miss Pretty: Just as planned.

What?

Cosmo: NO! I... DIDN'T... HAVE... TIME.

Death: Well, that was kind of sad.

I agree.

Welcome to the crypt, Cosmo, enjoy being there before your elderly mother.

Almond: Hey, sweet stuff.

Almond, for fuck's sake, her husband JUST DIED.

Cameo: I bet you could use a little more space, right? Especially since soon there'll be a new crop of babies to contend with.

I really could.

Cameo: Well, don't mind if I do!

Cameo: See ya!

Regina: I miss Cosmo.

Fairuza: Almond is grossbuckets.

Regina: Word.

Fairuza: Also, laws are for losers.

Regina: Word!

So you know what's really startling?

FUCKING WITCH SERVANTS JESUS CHRIST

Death: C'mere, kitty kitty kitty, get the nice catnip mouse...

Baron: I am not fooled by your playful manner! I know there is a dearth of delicious treats awaiting me in what you foolishly call 'heaven'! 8|

Harriet: Grilled CHEEEEEESE

Fairuza: But, but I'm horny! I don't want to die while I'm horny!

Needless to say, she didn't.

Omri: I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTERRRRRRRR

And then, amidst the chaos and the sobbing, we had a couple of birthdays!

Elder Regina! Looking pretty fine still, I think.

And Chelsea!

ERMAHGERD.

Hello my beautiful princess witch baby ~~heir~~!!!

Magenta: Gasp! Aunt Gina got old!

I sent Chelsea out to hit the town and look for a mate.

Surprised: nobody.

Her first stop was The Paradise, a club owned and run by her Great-great-great-something Aunt Swan.

By 'run' I mean Swan shows up and plays pool for hours on end. What else do you need in a proprietor, really.

Chelsea: All I have to do is stand here and look hot, someone will see what a catch I am.

Swan: Not as much of a catch as me!

She's still single, by the way.

Swan: By choice.

Gustav: Why is there no bartender? Is it that we're meant to make our own drinks? Are we always to make our own drinks in this game of life? Also, can I just hop over the bar or do I have to go all the way round to the door?

Burning questions of our age.

There was no one of interest at The Paradise, so Chelsea went to that old standby, the bowling alley.

Chelsea: Fireflies!

Almond's Booty Call: Dat ass!

Chelsea: Hey baby, are you this hot when you're not covered in fur?

Greer: Hee, it's true, this fur is quite insulating!

Archie: Hmph, 'werewolves'. Cats are so much better.

Almond's Booty Call: I'd love to get laid right about now.

Melba: Damn it, lost a contact lens.

Miss Pretty: LET LOOSE THE HOUNDS OF HELL THAT I MAY BATTLE THEM AND USE THEM FOR LITTER BOXES.

Greer: So, what do you think? Am I still hot without the fur?

Customer survey says... yes!

We have first kissification!

And first sexification, on Chelsea's grandmas' bed, of course. I haven't given her a double bed of her own yet, so I can only blame her so much.

Harriet has zits, poor thing.

Almond: Ahhh, I remember when I was young enough to have zits. Ages ago, it seems. Of course, everything about me is completely perfect now.

Disapproving Frog: *disapproves of this wanton narcissism*

Chelsea: I just had sex.

Greer: Hey there, sweet thang.

Chelsea: Hi baby, just a sec, I'm in the middle of a Pokemon battle.

And I thought she was going to be an ineligible Regina clone. That was cute of me.

Death again comes for Fairuza. This time, nobody notices.

She won, again.

Magenta: Ugh, what am I still doing here? I'm an adult and I'm not heir, I need to get the hell out and start my own life!

Okay, but let us see how you look all grown up first.

Magenta: Kay.

Chelsea: Who?

Oh, nobody. Just your cousin's first squeeze. ~~Besides you, that is.~~

Madeover heir bedroom!

Regina: Chelsea, honey, maybe you should take tennis lessons. Every guy loves a girl who can play with balls.

Chelsea: Thanks, mom, but I'm really more of a gamer.

GOODBYYYYYE

Fritter: 7.5

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