azaya | Thistleburr: 2.5

gather round, one and all, for The College Episode!!

though not immediately.

last time:

umbreen and lulihart left for college
aselta and the triplets grew up
and then the trips grew up again!
chlora reached her LTW! sandry wrote a bad book.

aselta has put her beloved mp3 player aside for the moment in favor of her other favorite thing: her own reflection.

she finished checking herself out in the kids' room, and came immediately in here to check herself out in this mirror.

eskhind: that reminds me, i have a request

not on your sparkly purple life.

sandry:

sandry: chloraaaaa~

chlora: saaaaandry~

scrampfle: looking upon mine works, youm mighty, and despairing.

eskhind: i'm finally old enough to fuck shit up with spells!

you are! but you won't.

neelahind: isn't it exciting, severance star? we're teenagers! we're getting so big and strong!

severance star: funny you should mention that.

neelahind: OW

scrampfle: BIRD!

eskhind: learned some interesting stuff about pressure points.

i wanted to give the kids a chance to stretch their legs as teens before i pack them off to uni, so they took a stroll across the street to s k a t e s.

severance star: i should busk

angelina: ew, a teenager

severance star: i'll remember this.

there's lots to do at s k a t e s! well... several things to do, anyway. but these shit burritos just stood around for two hours on the lawn.

aselta and neelahind: tee hee, tickling is fun!

you could do that at home!!

severance star: what was that you were saying about a shit burrito?

that's a gyro, dumbass.

eskhind: *munch*

severance star: OW

eskhind: that's for the bean balls!

aselta and neelahind: *squabble*

llevelyse:

several of the kids want to go steady, so i was hoping they'd run into some of the teens that recently arrived in town. one of them did eventually show up, but not until i was frustrated with the whole outing and sent them home.

i said, 'sent them home'.

*raises voice* SENT THEM HOME

get out of here, you turds.

severance star: wait, i have a request!

nope.

eskhind: fine. one last noogie for the road!

neelahind: GOD DAMN IT

sandry and chlora shared a chaste peck to celebrate having the house to themselves at last.

just kidding. FHJMMMARFGGGLLGMPH

meanwhile, our three heir candidates have landed on the nearby asteroid of UUU-N1. it is a barren, arid landscape with a minuscule collegiate colony. i assume they take classes in the quonset hut.

first of our possible heirs, lulihart! she's been one of my favorites from the beginning. she's a philosophy major. as usual, i let them major in whatever they rolled a want for first.

next is eskhind. she's a natural witch with some intriguing characteristics (family/romance, three nice points). she's majoring in history.

and severance star, the forceful lemon dark horse. she's a physics major.

severance star: we don't need space helmets to walk on the surface of this asteroid?

yeah, uh, it's because, um, you're... you're aliens. that's why.

severance star: tight!

eskhind: wait, this builds mechanical? THIS IS MINE NOW. IT BELONGS TO ME.

a moment of peace and quiet, before the horde arrives.

so you know how when sims become adults, they get their last trait? well...

star's last trait was 'kleptomaniac'.

severance star: LET ME BEGIN BY CLEARING UP SOME MISCONCEPTIONS YOU MAY HAVE ABOUT HEDGEHOGS.

blue-haired dormie: *arrives dressed for her wedding, as per dress code*

gladys: that woman is terrifying.

yep.

eskhind, meanwhile, did not get kleptomaniac, and is peacefully demolishing some pancakes.

lulihart also did not get kleptomaniac, and is going to investigate the asteroid butterflies. i don't recall what either of their fifth traits were, being less bombastic than kleptomaniac, but we'll circle back to that if one of them is heiress.

here's what the dorm looks like, by the way. it's a shithole.

every room comes equipped with a bed, desk, chair, and computer interface. amenities for skilling, a cafeteria, and a selection of all-in-one bathroom pods are provided. welcome to D-0RM-1, fuckers!

eskhind: this place licks. i'm gonna punch my feelings out.

your history major requires a body point for some reason, so go off, queen.

hunter: *is menaced by books*

eskhind: you gonna pick those up, or?...

eskhind: oh fuck, what if hunter sees me shittalking her in my diary?

so sit somewhere else, dumbass.

lulihart: major? for now i'm undecided, but later on the school will assign me philosophy, since i like to think about things long and hard (lol)!

professor lemonhead:

mascot: i'm majoring in dance, myself. behold!

lulihart: HAHAHA OH SHIT

lulihart: that sure was a romp, wasn't it, interdimensional grilled cheese!

eskhind and star wanted to write their term papers.

lulu, on the other hand, spent that time perusing the steam summer sale.

lulihart: i have to, overlord! we don't have summer on teagarden moon!

it has TWO SUMMERS! TWO!!

severance star: *wafts her way into the bathroom pod*

hmm.

severance star: i'm making my 0 neat points work for me. now, then—

severance star: —the finest hedgehogs from the hedgehog planet of H0G-9! why, these plucky little bastards can run for DAYS! with your generous donation—

severance star: —hillocks of raisin bran, in vast siloes beyond the imagination! now, the windmills—

severance star: —don quixote never tilted at windmills so fine! the blades are sharp enough to shave a man clean, friend! mere wind stands no chance—

lulihart, on the other hand, is just cleaning her sister's bath mess and not bothering anybody.

except the chef.

lulihart: why can't i put my body in front of the stove when there is another body already there?!

star's getting into the dormie spirit.

...is what i would say, if she wasn't just a stinky little filthmonger.

severance star: just a few minutes of your time, come on! it's a life-changing opportunity!

cheerleader: i don't support multi-level marketing, sorry.

severance star: it's not an MLM! just let me explain—

cheerleader: you are unwashed.

lulihart: grilled cheese! 8D

hunter: DISGUSTING. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.

cheerleader: asteroid dance, asteroid dance, asteroid dance, asteroid dance

lulihart: can i tell YOU about grilled cheese

she couldn't.

[[muffled 'sound of silence' playing in the distance]]

eskhind isn't doing much, besides skilling charisma and making this face.

eskhind: i'm a shoo-in for heiress!

she was, until she self-selected out of heirship.

eskhind: i just don't understand why everyone is so horny for 'our flag means death', it's not THAT good!

lulihart: dude!

lauren:

lulihart: *whistles a jaunty scrubbing tune*

lauren: the opportunity, you say it's life-changing?

severance star: oh, vastly!

lauren: i mean, i guess i should trust someone with such a venerable musk...

severance star: right? that's what i said!

lulihart: hi reader

i thought the cafeteria chef was always amenable to talking about grilled cheese!

i was wrong.

poor lulihart. nobody will talk about grilled cheese with her, or likes her particularly. even her sisters are like 'who?'

eskhind: making my 10 neat points work for me.

severance star: sup, slut!

lydia: whomst?

severance star: FRIEND! friend, allow me a few moments of your time—

eskhind: EEP

severance star: —and a chef of your caliber surely knows the difficulty of finding top-quality raisin bran, friend! with your donation—

chef: help

eskhind: is severance star out there? tell me if you see her coming.

nah, she's in the common room, leaving stinkballs on the couch.

eskhind: oh, thank god

eskhind: 'cause there's no one i wanna play punch me, punch you with more than her!

eskhind: *chew*

severance star: *snorf*

chef: YES! i spit in her food and she suspects nothing!

eskhind: *mops*

severance star: oh hey, while you're at it

cheerleader: i will inspire you with the traditional dance of my people.

lulihart: grilled cheese?

hunter: NO.

lulihart: ow, my joints!

severance star: dip, dude. sucks. anyway, got a minute? i'd like to bounce a presentation off you.

reena: THANK YOU for your most GENEROUS donation, friend! the hedgehogs thank you, too.

cheerleader: *cowers*

severance star: hmm, decent technique.

star, for fuck's sake, she's just trying to use the bathroom.

severance star: this is how i flirt!

oh wow, that's worse.

lulihart: *scrubs*

oh, jeez. guess your joints are still doing the thing, huh?

lulihart: yeh. :(

[[muffled 'sound of silence' playing unnervingly close by]]

that jar of dead butterflies has been there since freshman year.

they are now juniors.

lauren: oh, hey, didn't you just rob me outside?

severance star: definitely not.

suddenly, from outside!— the discordant crash of tragedy!

lulihart: oh, that bitch died? *sigh*

RIP hunter, you mean little shit.

i deleted the piano.

eskhind and taylor:

lulihart: can i talk to you about my interest in cuisine?

severance star: yeah, cuisine's a great hobby! cast iron pans make incredible bashing weapons.

lulihart: thanks for being a sympathetic ear, severance star! here's a backrub for your troubles.

disquieting, thanks!

oh no, the dissonant crunch of justice recurs!

this time it was reena. i only have enough patience for one pickpocket and that's severance star.

taylor: i'm really fond of implements that make my voice louder and more annoying

she only managed this because i forced her. if left to her own devices, she does nothing but pickpocket her way across the dorm.

eskhind: this is super unhygienic. out it goes.

THANK YOU.

oh for fuck's sake. thank you rescinded. no thanks for you.

severance star: the glory of a bran-powered hedgehog in full sprint on its wheel! there's nothing like it, friend

severance star: ...and then the lightning bolt said, 'are you going to eat that?'

amanda: LOL!

and then she lol'd herself right into a puddle of piss.

severance star: dip, dude. sucks.

okay. this? is a public service. carry on.

star robbed him twice in a row and i ain't remotely mad about it. fuck this guy.

eskhind: fancy meeting you here, in this damp, fetid bathroom!

lulihart: *reads in her room and doesn't bother anyone*

severance star: you peed on my shoes.

oh HELL NO.

...okay, i didn't kill THIS dormie. i smote her with the batbox to try to force her to stop robbing esk. when that didn't work, i smote her twice more, hoping, for some reason, that these smites would succeed where the first had failed. then i scrolled away, content that justice had been served. after a second, my camera was yanked back, and i discovered gladys's constitution was too weak to withstand three lightning bolts.

so, yeah, i guess i killed her. but it wasn't intentional!

streaker: WHEEEEEEEEE

amanda: someone just died. read the room.

elsie: *trails stink behind like a bridal train*

fucking THANK YOU. uni is fun for me for, like, two semesters, and then it becomes an interminable prison stretching on into infinity.

lulihart: ow! why!

thanks, amanda, for making her last experience in uni a shitty one! i'd drop a piano on you, but everyone's already graduated.

and back to teagarden moon go the girls! AND THE HEIR IS.............

severance star. was it super obvious? i probably gave away the game as soon as i said 'forceful lemon'.

later, taters!

Thistleburr: 2.5

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