azaya | Gashlycrumb: 7.2

Holy mother of fuck. I guess anything's possible!

Last time:

Plantish went to the big meadow in the sky
Varney and Alien Friend got old
Titus, Tallulah, and Tanith were birthed
And then I forgot to play The Sims for three years

Admittedly, part of the reason this took so long is that I got a new laptop. It came with Windows 10, which as we all know is Sims 2 poison, and I hate it more than anything. (Windows 10, not the laptop. The laptop is a very good bean.) It took awhile to even get The Sims to run properly and it still runs on the integrated graphics because otherwise it crashes but whatever, it's good enough! Fuck it, we'll do it live!

As you'll see, with a new laptop came a new resolution and new picture size, and I haven't entirely figured out how to handle all the editing, so please bear with me while I work out the logistics.

ANYWAYS

I had a few very old pictures for this update but they were lost to the swirl of time, so to catch you up on the only important thing, Tallulah had a birthday. What a cutie!

Welp, sure is nice of the Gashlycrumbs to reacquaint me immediately with their bullshit. Those are some absolutely foul dishes.

Varney: Think nothing of it, Overlord!

Varney: These pancakes are okay, but how about an omelet next time? Or some sunny side up? Get some protein up in this breakfast.

Frankie: You'll take what you're given and like it.

Frankie: It's rude to look a gift breakfast in the... syrup.

I still think Una's super gorge.

Una: Well, then hooray!

Aaand I still think this is super funny.

Meredith: oh hey una

Una: Suddenly I've got busts on the brain. Can't think why.

Frankie: Well, it's never a bad time to think about art.

Obviously I can't prove this, but I swear there's no invisible fence or anything separating their beds. I guess they've all just gotten accustomed to the arrangement.

Which, like, so much the better, right?

The family skeleton: Let me die

Varney: EAT SHIT, MOOSEGOOSE!

Usaggie: Heh. Dinner and a show.

Gross.

Usaggie: Big talk from the one who put us in the same damn bedroom.

Touche.

How are you not having a better week, Frankie? You're making creatures in the Spore creature creator!

I cannot recall Alien Friend showing the merest hint of interest in pranking before she grew old, but it's apparently the only thing she cares about now.

Una: 'M not much of a dancer.

You could stop using the ballet barre autonomously, then.

Una: I don't understand.

Titus: A+! A+! A+! A+!

Usaggie: That's great, sweetie, but could you go show your Parent? Mommy's working on her next masterpiece right now.

Una: The only thing you need to know about homework is do it, or it'll be the bees for you.

Guess no one's paying attention to Tanith. Including me! Whoops!

Whatcha doing, ladies?

Titus: Playin' with our creatures, made in the Spore creature creator.

Varney died in the bathroom, because of course she did, and I nearly missed it, but noticed it was 7 p.m. and her icon was missing from the sidebar. Good night, sweet princess, I loved you dearly!

Whisper: excuse me is this the right way to the toilet

Aw, man, even Varney's insurance payout forgot about Tanith.

Tanith: Heard my name! For maybe the first time ever!

Happy damn birthday to you, I guess. I don't know why deaths and birthdays so reliably sync up in my game.

Tanith: Hey, Nana, were you looking for me?

Alien Friend: Nope!

If it's any comfort, you're super cute.

Tanith: I guess that helps.

Oh, I guess that's why they missed Tanith's birthday. I have no idea why, but Frankie and Usaggie fucking hate each other, and apparently it came to a head.

Once more, to be clear, that's Frankie and Usaggie in there.

Una: RIP MEREDITH'S ARMS OFF

Usaggie:Choke on that!

Frankie: OwwWWWW

Una: You're not Meredith.

Then I noticed Baby in the lower left and pulled back to see what she was doing, only to find Tanith wafting fumes everywhere.

Tanith: Sorry. I don't know how to bathe.

Titus: *sob* AND *sob* I*sob* MISS *sob* GRANDMA *sob* AND *sob* SHE *sob* DIED *sob* AND—

Usaggie: There, there, er... I wanna say... Tara?

Tallulah: huh dracula is looking awfully pink today

I was going to shun Whisper for only being able to conjure cereal again, but I see it's actually mac and cheese. I would never shun a mac and chee.

Pictured: Meredith, with all arms still attached.

Tallulah: Pillow fight for heirship!

Tanith: Yay, attention!

When Tanith finally found a bathroom, she showered so hard she broke the thing.

Tanith: I told you I don't know how to bathe.

Usaggie: What are you?

Hm. I think Alien Friend might be a wee bit senile.

When Usaggie does pay attention to her daughter, it's with what you might call intensity.

Titus: WHEEEEEEEE

Aw. Goodbye, Alien Friend! You were cute and weird, and I'm glad we finally got you into the family.

Hope that hula zombie's not planning on doing any deep thinking anytime soon.

Una: HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE RESPONSIBILITY!

Alien Friend: Smell you later, nerds!

Tanith: EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!

Tallulah: Mom, look! Look, Mom! Mom! MOM!

Una: Do you seek bees? Because you're about to find 'em.

Whisper: I sure am still living here!

Meredith: Despite all our hints.

Frankie: I like dancing!

Una: why

Everything about this rock paper scissors sesh, from the location to the time of day, is outstanding. Y'all nailed it.

Whisper: Well, then hooray!

TFW you just cast Corruptus Locus, you're loving the lightning, and you've completely forgotten the imminent roach infestation.

Una: Hehehe. Wait, the what?

It's hailing, and Meredith picked the absolute best window to observe it.

Tanith: Yay, dancing!

Una: wtf

Una: —JUST BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE, HIGHER ON THE STREET, AND I KNOW—

Tallulah: Get out, I'm trying to go toilet sailing!

Spectral O'Leary: RIP MEREDITH'S ARMS OFF

I have the worst news for you.

Spectral O'Leary: IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

Bird Bird Bird Bird Bisque erupts onto the bestseller top ten.

I guess you really can get used to anything!

There's an empty bedroom next door now, since Varney and Alien Friend have tragically left us, but I'm not gonna move anybody in there. It doesn't seem fair to whomever moves, cuz this bedroom is much bigger. Also, I don't want to.

Usaggie: Hey, Una.

Frankie: What?

Too bad there's no bathtub to be found anywhere, like directly to your left for instance

Una: I am sexually fulfilled.

I'm so glad.

1 am chips platter. #relatable

Una: Nice.

Una: When I was your age, I asked your grandma for permission to gather the rat forces into a militia. Unfortunately she denied me, on account of not being a visionary like myself and also she was a killjoy. The moral of the story is, do what you're told or there will be bees.

Titus: Playing Chopsticks, huh? Suuuuper impressive. You must be a prodigy.

Tallulah: Thank you!

Baby: *sharps her feets, and is pink now also*

Tanith: I don't remember this room being so empty. That's weird.

Titus: I think it was Nana and Grandma's room? I didn't really go in here much.

Tanith: Huh.

Titus: Huh.

Titus has a cutie patootie birthday.

After aging up, she went directly to bed. #birthdaygoals

Meredith: This is the right place to stand.

Baby: Maybe. I prefer to sit.

Whisper's preference appears to be passing out by the bee hives.

Una: I thirst for fear.

Got the best news for you, Princess Punchpants.

Una: Cool. Off to bigger and better things, then.

Such as disapproving of a lamp?

Una: How'd you know?

Meredith: Remember that time I made the Dean's list?

Usaggie: Dean who?

I'm glad they're all so comfortable with each other. Not that they have any choice.

Frankie: Did I ever tell you Meredith's one of my best friends forever?

Una: Meredith who?

Whisper remained unconscious in the dirt until 2:42 pm, at which point his comfort was low enough to wake him up so he could complain about it and I Magivestigiumed him into bed.

Titus: I don't understand.

Apparently she doesn't understand the bubble blower, either. Titus, did you notice the mouthpiece is fully 90 degrees from your mouth?

Titus: I did not.

Whisper: I'm helping. Hooray!

Whisper: I earned this!

Nobody: *pays attention to Tanith*

Titus: Wonder what Mom's up to.

Oh, just shitting out another masterpiece. We can only hope the world is ready for the searing brilliance of Beetle Beetle Beetle Beetle Broth.

And then, for the first time in three years, I realize I had put the exact same hairstyle on Usaggie and Tanith.

Usaggie: Tanith who?

Una: Think I might be pargant.

Not anymore you're not.

Usaggie took the initiative to gather the breakfast dishes, only to heroically put them on the floor and leave.

Titus: Ow! You hit me with the ball! You hit me with the ball on purpose!

Tallulah: What? No I didn't! Is this the face of someone who'd do that?

Titus: Well, I guess noOWWWWW

Whisper: Still here!

Meredith: Please move out. Please.

Tallulah stopped beaning her cousin with the football long enough to have a birthday and be very pretty indeed.

Titus: rudeness

Tallulah: Sweet. I always wanted a crack at this.

A phenomal talent on the rise.

Una: At last I've got you alone, Frankie, my love!

The family skeleton: Couldn't you sometimes choose a different corner? The house has so many of them! I would imagine, anyway. I haven't seen it. All I ever see is this.