azaya | Gashlycrumb: 6.6

I am still a tube sock stuffed full of tears and sadness but I wanna celebrate Imgur abolishing pro accounts and also distract myself so here crumb some Gashlies!

Last time:

garbage on the floor
everything is trash
everyone is trash
oh yeah, and the girls went to college.

Whereupon Una grew into this god damn goddess and I chewed on my hands for like ten minutes in excitement.

She's so fucking beautiful I can't deal. I won't deal.

Una: That sounds like a win-win to me!

Meanwhile, Usaggie is fucking precious as shit. I'm so angry

By which I mean proud and delighted, but you knew that.

I'm so glad I made the executive decision to dual heir it this generation, because how could I ever choose between these treasures?

My university is called Winterhold State and this dorm where the girls are going to live is the Hall of Attainment, because I have never even heard of shame.

A brief tour will commence momentarily.

Wow

Amazing

Gosh

Applause

Yes

I see

Some superstar already peed a foot from the bathroom. ANIMAL HOUSE

I had to change the half-walls to buggybooz niche pieces instead because I discovered soon after that sims are too fucking stupid to sit at a desk with a wall on either side.

Then there's some bathrooms and a hallway and some dorm rooms. Thrilling!

Speaking of dorm rooms, here is Usaggie's!

And Una's room, which concludes our tour in 3

The very first dormie the game generated was this flawless angel named Meredith, who spawned exactly as you see here except I put some makeup on them. Pooklet's face templates are the very best. Probably because Pooklet is the very best! ~Cause and effect~

Mascot McFuckpants: I dunno what I'm gonna major in. Probably it'll be in walking into people's homes uninvited and being an annoying shitgoblin. Just a guess.

Meredith: I see

Usaggie: SO DO I, HOT DIGGITY DANG

Meredith: Greetings, mortal.

Usaggie: Sup sup

Meredith: I love your jacket! But I'd love it more on my dorm room floor.

Usaggie: Okay, but it's like two bucks to do laundry on campus so could I drape it on a chair instead perhaps?

Meanwhile, Una embarks on what will prove to be a long and storied career of making enemies with literally everyone she lives with, and also people she doesn't.

Una: Ow, watch it, alpaca breath!

Mascot McFuckpants: I'm a llama, you fucking peasant. Llamas are far cuter and more entertaining than alpacas! Have you not seen The Emperor's New Groove?!

Very well. From now on Mascot McFuckpants shall be Kuzco McFuckpants.

Douglas: LIPSMACKIN'

Usaggie: Uh

Usaggie: Instead of talking about that, how about you sit down and let me tell you aLL ABOUT POKEMON GENERATIONS ONE THROUGH SIX

Well, at least you're skilling.

Una: Of course I am! I'm a Knowledge sim, after all. Spying on people is just a fun side benefit.

Una: Aw yeah, now that's a quality pansy patch.

Usaggie: I don't mean to brag but I'm an awesome friend. Two whole people have called me their BFF. Two.

Meredith: Wow! That is quite impressive.

Usaggie: I can tell you all about it if you'd like to go to a date with me. We could stand in front of the soda machine, see what happens.

Meredith: Maybe while we're there you could tell me how you like your eggs in the morning, too.

Usaggie: Oh, I'm not a snob. I like breakfast at all hours!

Una: Huh? Oh. I thought I smelled a rotten, mildewed fur coat.

Kuzco McFuckpants: Funny, I thought I heard the cacophonous squawking of a constipated poop.

Una: Overlord, you wouldn't describe my voice as a cacophonous squawk, would you?

Of course not, powderpuff! ~~I play with the game muted.~~

Usaggie: So yeah, we'll do breakfast, and I'll tell you all about how I'm BFF to three people.

Three? A second ago it was two.

Usaggie: I am TRYING to attract a mate, Overlord, if you DON'T MIND.

Meredith: Are any of your three BFFs ghosts? When I was a small human, my best friend was the ghost who lived in our basement. Well, not 'lived'. Inhabited? Dwelt? One of those things.

Usaggie: I... I don't think so. I'm pretty sure they're all alive. Well, maybe not Whisper. Who can tell?

Usaggie: Invi-date-tion successful. Victory fistpump.

Meredith: i like how you're narrating your actions out loud it gets me hot

Inside, Usaggie snags that first kiss and it's super cuJESUS CHRIST MEREDITH ARE YOU OKAY

Meredith: *muffled* 'm fine! Why do you ask?

O...kay, I guess they're fine.

Usaggie and Meredith: MMMMPHNORLGPHM

Shockwave Bob: would you just look at these darts, these are not regulation darts! someone is going to lose their job over this

Kuzco McFuckpants: Mm, delicious java.

Why are you STILL HERE

OH, I SEE, TO PICK A FIGHT WITH MY PRINCESS. Way to waste that coffee energy, shitlizard.

There's five other dormies but you would never know it from how instantly and irrevocably Meredith insinuated themself into my favorites.

Shockwave Bob: So what kind of lubes do you like? I'm partial to KY Yours and Mine, myself. I like to use them both at the same time.

Usaggie: My Glob, these aren't regulation darts! Someone must answer for this.

Kuzco McFuckpants: Look at the time! I'd better go.

GOOD, GET OUT

Una: I'll just take over his painting he left on this easel here. If he didn't want me to do that, he shouldn't have gotten up in my fucking face. I don't make the rules.

Times like this I wish I had the pee-is-yellow hack, just so I could be 100% certain no one pissed in the kitchen.

Meredith: Well... maybe just a little. There was a lot of water on the floor and I got confused.

I'd be pleased, but actually I'm just hoping you washed the pee off first.

Una: Ah yes, refreshing delicious cappuccino.

Meredith: virginity is a social construct but it was still fun to lose

Shockwave Bob: i cannot BELIEVE they don't stock mr. pibb

Una: Bottoms up!

That's gonna include yours if you're not careful there, sport.

Una: What up, food bitch!

Cooksy von Foodburn: Is that a cappuccino?

Shockwave Bob: LOUD NOISES

Cooksy von Foodburn: Wow, you little shits take nouniprotect super seriously.

Cathy LeTourneau: GULP

Douglas: Your lipstick is exquisite!

Una: Thank you! Gosh, I bet we're going to be just the best of friends.

azaya: n o p e

Some skilling needed to be done, so I sent the 'crumbs over to the Hall of the Elements where most ~~of the members gather for lectures and study sessions~~ of the career reward objects can be found. (It's this awesome lot, heavily madeover.)

And as usual Usaggie goes straight for the photobooth, as she does on every single lot that has one ever

Una: *knows why she's here and doesn't waste time*

Usaggie: I wouldn't exactly call this a waste of time, myself.

Professor Ombré: Nice.

Una: Term paperin'. 8|

Shockwave Bob: Guys, is the sun a planet or a star?

Cathy LeTourneau: lol idk

Una sweetheart why are you thinking about Kuzco McFuckpants in the shower

Una: It's not what you think! I'm trying to make up my mind whether I should drown him, or beat him to death with his own shitty painting.

Meredith: OH NO 8D

Meredith: My girlfriend's naked B)

So does this count as shower sex or

Una: Are you fucking kidding me? Of course the sun isn't a planet! Did you fall off the back of a truck making cross-country stupidity deliveries or what?

Usaggie: Don't mind my sister, Shockwave Bob. She can be brusque, but she means well. I thought your question was perfectly fine, I mean how else do we learn but through asking questions? Speaking of which, I have a question for you: write my term paper.

Shockwave Bob: While I can recognize that this is not a question, your flattery has swayed me. It will be done.

And Shockwave Bob stayed at it til the paper was aaalmost done, at which point she got up, peed herself, and passed out in the hallway in front of her dorm room. Usaggie had to write the conclusion herself.

Usaggie: Boy, that was a slog, but what a good week it's been! I hope I can keep this up.

Una: Macaroni and cheese? Be still, my fluttering loins!

Kuzco McFuckpants: Hey Una, is Usaggie available to talk?

Una: Die in a fire.

I accidentally default replaced the professors' outfits for both F and M and now they're all strutting around like they think this campus is one big Abercrombie and Fitch.

Una: My, this weather is bracing.

Una: Mmm, smell the victory.

Usaggie: Is that what victory smells like? I would've said it was B.O.

Meredith: *gently wafts*

Una: GOTCHA

Douglas: Ow, this was sudden and unprovoked!

This is what I mean! Una can't be nice to people to save her life. I was so right when I described her in her youth as a forceful lemon.

Mod Shag: Someone left their copy of Fifty Shades of Grey in here. Anyone mind if I burn it? Cuz I'm gonna burn it.

Cooksy von Foodburn: I don't approve of this. That knife is no more regulation than those darts in the common room. You're going to get us in trouble.

Una: Shhh, I need my full concentration to julienne this onion.

Una: That Shockwave Bob may be dumber than a sack of rocks but BABE ALERT NONETHELESS

Una: What a beautiful day in this bathroom.

Douglas: OW

Sigh

Douglas: Why are you doing this? I thought we were friends. We talked about makeup!

Una: Oh yeah, speaking of, what do you think of this nail color?

Una: He didn't even give me an opinion on my nails! What a buttpoop!

Una: YOU HEAR THAT? YOU'RE A BUTTPOOP. A BUTTPOOP.

Douglas: I don't have to take that from you!

Aaaand he didn't.

Douglas: Ha HA! Now which of us is the buttpoop, Una? It's not me!

Una: OwwWWWW

Una: Me, a bad reputation? I don't understand why this is happening!

I can't begin to imagine

Una: This is not acceptable!

Usaggie, meanwhile, has made her peace with the non-regulation darts.

Hoping to give Una a fighting chance, so to speak, the next time she inevitably throws down, I sent her to the Hall of the Elements to use the punching bag, because at the time I hadn't built a gym yet.

Usaggie and Meredith tagged along. For education.

Usaggie: I love this. I love you!

Meredith: I wonder whose arm that is.

Una: ONE BODY POINT CLOSER TO KICKING HIS ASS.

Downstairs, Usaggie tries a different type of "workout"

Usaggie: I kinda loathe people who say that their gym is the bedroom, but oof, I get it now. Oh, 'scuse me, Disembodied Arm O'Leary.

D. A. O'Leary: DON'T MENTION IT, NAKED HUMAN