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Gashlycrumb: 6.2
Technically the survivor challenge is finished now, but I'm dragging my feet about writing it, so here are Gashlycrumbs instead! I'm in a kinda sad slump IRL at the moment, so naturally this is the optimum time to attempt to be funny for the internet.
Last time, Una was just born, and discovered to have the personality of a forceful lemon. Good times abound at Casa 'Crumb!
Plantish: Good job with the birthing. Last time I delivered a crotch dropping, I didn't have the right parts for the job anymore and had to get really creative. Thankfully, cellulose bounces back!
Alien Friend: Wow, that's inspiring. I'm just gonna put the family skeleton between you and me for... unrelated reasons.
The family skeleton: kill me
Una: I am the instant, immediate favorite!
YES YOU ARE 8D
My instant and immediate favorite, that is. Except for Plantish, practically no one pays attention to her. I genuinely don't understand how any Gashlycrumbs manage to grow up happy and well-adjusted when basically all of them are neglected straight out of the birth canal.
Varney: I'm a mommy now! What a precious, precious gift I have been given.
Yeah. Hey, by the way, know where your precious gift is right now?
Varney: Nope! I'm more of a hands-off momma. It's enough for me to know she exists.
Favorite face
Favorite faaaaaace
Whisper: Burned the nourishment again. Sorry.
Vladimir: Naw brah, it's okay. I like my bacon to splinter into innumerable tiny needles when I bite it and my eggs to be naught but slightly fluffy clouds of ash.
Whisper: Oh! Well, then you ought to be pleasantly surprised.
Whisper: This book is really interesting, but I feel like a lot of it's going over my head.
Whisper: Hi, Winnie!
Winnie: Ahoyhoy, Alien Friend.
I sent Whisper out on a very important, top-secret mission.
His first stop: the bowling alley, where an exhibitionist is detailing his latest exploits.
Blondie von Fucksinpublic: ...the whole thing fell over! Some of the oranges were smashed, but it was so worth it. And that was the third time I hooked up in a grocery store.
Whisper: Oh, hey, it's my real dad again.
Whisper, you don't have a dad. You have two moms and one is a pasty, pasty alien.
The resemblance is striking, though, I must admit.
Then the game crashed, but that was okay, because the target never showed up at the bowling alley anyway.
Whisper: This is the right time to talk about kissing.
Trish Phillips, who has never met him before: You bet your butt it is.
Plantish: *is still the only one to pay attention to Una*
While Una's neglectful parents try hard and believe in their ability to make another one, who they undoubtedly will also ignore!
Meanwhile, Whisper resumes his quest, at the Coffin Bean.
Afterwards has only a very few cis male townies, most of them remnants of my first inexperienced usage of the townie gun to spawn townies, i.e. when I didn't know you had to change the settings or else all it will create is the whitest of white dudes. Anyway, many of those remnants tend to all turn up together on community lots and create a little cis guy cluster. I like to pretend it's because the rest of the neighborhood shuns them.
Whisper: It's been a so-so week! I want to make this week better! Wheeeeee! 8D
Whisper: Look! I'm Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!
More like bouncing tiger, blatant embarrassment.
Oh, hey Trish! What's up?
Trish: Nothing. Just wondering why I spent four hours talking about kissing with this dude today.
Yeah, me too.
Well, no wonder you're like six days from elderhood and I'm only just now discovering your OTH.
(But look how pretty the pool water is! I finally turned shaders back on for the first time since 2009! 8D)
Trish: I don't understand why I keep following you from lot to lot. I... I think maybe I love you?
Whisper: Baby I know.
Sabrina McCrystal: CANNONBALL
Explosive Bob: Evening, welcome to Hot Sauce McGee's. I'm Explosive Bob and I'll be your server this evening. May I stick my tongue down your throat?
Whisper: You may.
What planet am I on and how do I leave it
Oz Klint and Friend: *giggle, makeout, giggle*
Oz's cheating wife, Thora: I don't know what I expected
I don't remember if I ever detailed that sordid affair, but basically: Thora had an affair on the cooking hobby lot with an NPC who later turned out to be Starla Fritter (because of course!) and Oz has been initiating revenge hookups ever since.
Even in front of her daughter, apparently.
Fruszina Klint: Hello darkness my old friend, Mom's come to kiss on you again.
At home, unsuccessful Whisper resumes tutoring his family in the pianodrum.
Then he remembered he was a witch, and decided to do this shit the magic way.
Whisper: I'm sure there's a summoning spell in this book somewhere...
Almond: Oh-ho man, is it weird to jump out of a cauldron for a change, if you know what I mean.
Whisper: I do not.
YOU'RE WELCOME POOKLET 8D
Una: No, no, it's fine. I'll sleep here tonight. It will toughen my exoskeleton, in preparation.
Preparation for what
Whisper: Hi guys. Bye guys!
Alien Friend and Vladimir: Rock paper scissors SHOOT
Almond: hey wait up
Whisper: This is a really good idea.
Almond: Mmmm.
I don't think anything I could say can really do these next pictures justice, so just enjoy:
Whisper and Almond: giggle giggle cuddle giggle
Varney: It's weird, being that close to sex and not being part of it. So weird. :D
Behold, Afterwards's newest, pastiest power couple.
Almond: I always wanted to be a cougar.
Whisper: I always wanted to be a tiger! ~Soulmates~
Alien Friend and Vladimir: rock paper scissors SHOOT still
Whisper and Almond: MMMMph
Vladimir: AW YEAH SWIZZLE STICK, YEAH, HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW
Alien Friend: I meant to throw scissors! I meant to throw scissors!
Alien Friend: Hah! Rock beats scissors, walnut brain.
Vladimir: Rudeness.
Almond and Whisper: MMmmhplfhhmm
Almond: You'll be hearing from me again, sugarcheeks. Frequently.
All of Afterwards: Shiiiiit boy
Varney: 'M pregnant.
Aww, that's nice!
Varney: IS IT
Winnie: Oh my gosh, kid! You're adorable! How long have you been here?
Una: Like a week. Where the hell have you been, lady?
Where're you going, Almond?
Almond: I don't know
Almond: Home, I guess. I got what I came for.
You didn't come here, Whisper summoned y— or was that a sexual pun I missed?
Almond: It's me. Make an educated guess.
Vladimir and Alien Friend: Scissors!
Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh heh.
And now it's Varney's turn to play Polly the Pregnant Pirate Queen! The tradition lives on.
Whisper: Hey babe! I called to see how you were doing and if you want to do some more kissing sometime, maybe today?
Almond: You bet your candy ass I do
Una: There's nothing quite like knowing from the womb that you're gonna grow up to run this family.
Whisper: Something looks different about you. Did you get new glasses?
Varney: Sure, why not.
Plantish continues to dote on Una, while everyone else ignores her except Winnie once in a great while.
Una: It's okay. I'll have my revenge when I'm heiress and throw all the ingrates out of my house.
Varney: Okay, kiddo, let's get this learn-to-talk crap over with. Hmm... think you can say 'mommy'? Say 'mommy', sweetie.
Una: I don't think so.
Una: You ignored me for days, and now you expect me to call you a cutesy, familiar form of 'mother'? Madam, you assume too much.
Varney: Please, Una, I'll make it up to you! I promise. Later we'll watch all the Disney movies together. And eat ice cream! Just say mommy. Just say it.
Una: Ugh, very well...... 'mommy'.
Varney: YAY.
Plantish: Yay!
Alien Friend: AURIEL'S BOW.
Varney: Now say 'mommy is the best forever'.
Una: I am now shitting in my diaper just for you.
Una: And man, is it a doozy. 8D
Whisper: ...and I think she could be the one, Baby. The love of my life.
Baby: Godspeed, little pop tart. Miss Pretty's told me some things.
Vladimir: Who's Auntie Vlad's little princess? Who is?
Una: Me, of course! I am everyone's princess.
Vladimir: Glob save me from ever having children.
Vladimir: I'd much rather be the fun aunt than the mom, hands down.
Una: How do I know if I'm having fun? Am I having it now? How will I know?
Alien Friend: Steady... steady...
Hairgel McMotojacket: My, it certainly is a fine day to stand around making faces on the sidewalk!
Whisper: No way, not her own great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter!
Whisper: Behold, I have prepared a nourishment perfectly. I realized I couldn't possibly burn it if I didn't cook it!
You'd be surprised, actually
Winnie: Wait, Whisper's dating who? You're yanking my chain!
Baby: No, I swear to Glob! I even told him about the Kriemhild thing, and he didn't even care.
Winnie: Haha, sick!
Whisper: So I heard you were talking shit
Couch arm: hey
Varney: Oh yeah? You wanna say that to my face, pool cue?
Varney: Nice
Varney: Aw, come on! Children live here!
They do, but they are safe in their cribs, not spying on people absolutely everyone ought to know better than to spy on, for fuck's sake, Varney
Also, I may just be late to the party here but hoW LONG HAS THIS BEEN A THING THIS IS A THING???? WHAT
Alien Friend: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE
Vladimir: I really would prefer not to have to homework.
Disapproving Bear: *disapproves of not being invited to slow dance, jerks*
Varney: ♫ Oh, oh Varney, how'd you get so pregnant ♫
Alien Friend: it was me
Vladimir: Happy birthday to ME, motherflippers
Winnie: Wow, confetti was just what this grilled chicken needed. How'd you know?
Wow. Gosh you're pretty, Vlad. *__* Too bad you were born so late in your generation. If I tried to dual heirs at this point I think I'd lose my mind.
Vladimir: Psh, that's fine. I don't wanna hang around this nut hive any longer than I have to. I'm out.
Alien Friend: bye vlad
Wow. Such try. Very door.
Varney's scorned NPC date ran by to steal the newspaper right as Vlad was leaving. The fool. I keep them all in the attic, safe from the clutches of thieves like this.
Una:
Whisper: I'm in love!
Winnie: I need to take a dump.
Whoa there, tiger, do you think money grows on trees?
Whisper: It does though!
...touché.
This birthing sanctioned by Baphomet
Introducing Usaggie! Who's named after some really cute dolls intentionally, and another really cute doll unintentionally! It was only after I put her in that particular hair that I remembered Pooklet has a doll named Usaggie with exactly that hair color, because I'm the most forgetful wife in the world the end.
Varney: Once again, I'm a momma! What a singularly special and wonderful experience this is.
Usaggie: Hello hard floor my old friend, I've been abandoned here again
Una: Haha, the fuck?
Usaggie: Yes... yes, I understand, master. The unworthy shall be dealt with.
Usaggie: Shapes
Una: there can be only one
Baby: I did not see this coming
potty
training
FACE.
And with that I leave you, byeeee
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i also think una is cute! and yeah, whisper finally managed a hookup! i think it's kinda perfect, too. XD most of my unnatural hair recolors are either made by me or pooklet, but i have some really pretty ones by furbyq, also! :D thanks very much. <3
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Whisper and Almond made me cringe and giggle and go through a rainbow of all kinds of other emotions. I think they might be my otp now disturbingly enough. They just, idk, make sense together?
The babies are soooo cute! Especially Una. And Vladimir also turned out super mega amazingly gorgeous! It sucks that double heirs are such a massive pain in the ass lol (I know from personal experience).
Also if I could trouble you, where is Varney's ruffle-y purple v-neck nightie from? b/c it's fabulous.
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haha, that's pretty much the arc i followed myself. when it first occurred to me i was disturbed, but the more i thought about it the funnier it got until i had to do it. i agree, they just kinda make sense. XD
thanks!! i am very fond of una. and vlad, too! i would've been willing to slog through double heiring for her (especially since she's romance so she wouldn't necessarily be moving a partner in) but there's just too big an age gap between her and varney. too much of a headache. x__x
it IS fabulous, isn't it? there's a bunch of other colors too, here!!
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secondly...................................... im fuckin crying almond and whisper this is the best/worst thing ive seen all day
i dont have a thirdly cause im still stuck on the secondly
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oh my god i know right. doesn't it make the most awful cosmic sense
legit, man
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and it truly does
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Also hope your mood improves soon, been in a bit of a slump myself and it sucks.
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thanks very much, i am feeling a little better and i very much hope you do too, friend :>
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NO STOP
YOU STUPID CAT MAN SHE'S PROBABLY RADIOACTIVE
I have to admit it makes a bizarre kind of sense. so wrong it's almost right.
I hope you're feeling better now!
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doesn't it, though? when the idea first occurred to me it just seemed so right. well, wrong, but in a very right kind of way.
i am feeling a bit better yes!! thank you :>
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AM I
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