Survivor challenge part 4

[azaya]

(I rarely put specific warnings on stuff, but I'm aware that there's a lot of tokophobes in the sims community, myself included, and while the stuff that happens herein didn't bother me personally I just wanted to mention that there's some pregnancy-related shit going down in a potentially upsetting way this update.)

So I guess these little assholes figured out that their refusal to die when that is the very point of this entire challenge was just the way to reignite my interest in them.

Coincidentally, this is about when this shifted from strictly a survivor challenge to me possibly trying to subtly murder my own sims.


Demelza: When the Overlord said she was planting weed for us, this isn't what I thought she meant.


I honestly don't understand how these stupid butternuts have managed to survive this long. It's been like a week at least! A week of stupid food clusters.


Demelza: Maybe the weed will help. If it's fit for human consumption.

It'll make your hunger plummet to the point of death either way, and that's what I care about. 8D


The longer the challenge (of my patience) goes on, the more weird wall writing is going to appear in the house. Gotta get my kicks in somehow, since everyone is thoughtlessly refusing to die.


I also repainted the outside of the house. Because everyone is thoughtlessly refusing to die.


Daisy: Ugh, it's Karolina. Gross.

Sophie: Preach.

Karolina: Don't hate.


Karolina: Don't you know the awesome power I control? Compared to me, you are less than a Lego. You're one of those sad knockoff Legos that never fit together properly.


I have a sort of unofficial policy that any cis men in my game have to be either femme as fuck or slightly hilarious-looking. Hence Oliver's lush, flowing scarf and sweatshirt with jorts in the middle of the desert.

Oliver: It's cool. I've got a Powerthirst. It's Manana.


Daisy: Team Demelza tbh


Kirie: Oh Glob, what have I done? I made friends with someone without punching them first!


Oliver: Sure is peaceful in this direction.

Daisy: SPRINGER SPRINGER SPRINGER


Demelza: EAT IT.

Karolina: It tastes like regret!


Stanley: Hey, new best friend, I hear you were on the Dean's list in college! Nice job.

Kirie: Well, I never went to college, but I was on my friend Dean's list for awhile. I owed him just so much gas money for like, four years.

Sophie: I am present


Bea and Sophie's love affair makes them feel ~lighter than air~

Marvin: Niiiiiiiiice


Oliver: Very well


Oliver: I will celebrate by mixing up a box of mac n' cheese and then leaving it to languish on the counter, incomplete, while I chug this entire quart of two percent.


Marvin: Niiiiiiiiice


So I finally remembered how to allow unmarried Try For Baby, and here is where Sophie took a surprisingly dark turn.

By which I mean, I think she is trying to thin the competition through impregnation. Because we all know what pregnant sims are like. Perhaps you think me reaching. I am not. You will see.


Marvin: Niiiiiiiiice


Kirie: Good job refusing to be defeated, no matter your puny muscles or lack of bareknuckles know-how! Someday you'll win just by virtue of being so used to being punched, you'll stop noticing the impact.

Karolina: That is exactly my aspiration. Thank you.


Demelza: DAMN IT OLIVER FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED. DO IT FOR THE CHEESE


Demelza there is a literal pot of mac n' cheese just waiting to be heated you just had it in your very hands you stupid

shit


Sophie: I guess word's getting round about my cherry-poppin' prowess.

You are a FAMILY SIM.


Sophie: Too bad I already deflowered Demelza. I'd love to tie that cherry stem with my tongue.

Demelza: Sponge, sponge, sponge o'leary, sponge, sponge, sponge o'leary


Oh hey, I guess someone did make the mac n' cheese. Excelsior.


Stanley tries to distract himself from his sobering reality with the magic of Tempera paint.


Karolina takes a different approach.


Beatrice: It's cool that my girlfriend and her other girlfriend woke me up and threw me out of my own bed so they could fuck. I was getting hungry anyway.

Marvin: Niiiiiiiiice


See? Here goes Sophie again, trying to shove a baby into a fellow survivor. I'm onto you, Sophie.

Marvin: Niiiiiiiiice


Oh look, a fireplace. How cozy and homey.


Since Karolina keeps trying to convince the others that a gnome is stealing their underpants, here's a gnome. His name is Begnomedict Undersnatch.


Oliver: SHIT

Begnomedict Undersnatch: hello fire my old friend


Begnomedict Undersnatch: i've come to burn in you again


Begnomedict Undersnatch: i'm dying squirtle


Guys I think you're okay, you're all the way across the room

Beatrice: NOPE I'M NOT FAR ENOUGH, OUT OF MY WAY TELEVISION


Beatrice: OLIVER, YOU'RE NOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO STANLEY! YOU'LL DIE

Oliver: NO I THINK I'M GOOD FARTHER AWAY FROM THE FIRE THANKS


I guess it's too much to ask for a sim who's never studied fire safety and autonomously picked up a fire extinguisher to put out the entire thing.




Stanley: PERHAPS THERE IS SOMEONE WITH ANOTHER EXTINGUISHER IN THIS DIRECTION


Beatrice: HOLD ON I'LL CHECK

Oliver: I think I've got it covered, Bea

Stanley: WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT DID A WIZARD BEQUEATH IT TO YOU


Beatrice: So that conflagration spread disastrously when the rug exploded, but that's no reason not to immediately light a second, safer fire.

Begnomedict Undersnatch: hello dumbass my old friend


I'm gonna pikachu while you shower, guys

Guys: Excelsior


Oliver: The living room caught on fire last night.

Demelza: I'm pregnant.

Oliver: *sip*


I told you, Sophie is on a fucking murderquest. I aborted Daisy's earlier pregnancy, but I'm gonna let these ride, because I'm reALLY PISSED no one is dead yet and pregnancy will do it if nothing else will.

The Sims 2: justifying tokophobia since 2004


Stanley: I'm bouncing! Hey, Bea! Bea, I'm bouncing!

Beatrice: I'm Rosemary's Baby.


Sophie: First of all, how dare you.


Kirie: Underwear tickling is harmless and fun!

Daisy: As long as I keep my panties on, the gnomes can't get them!

Begnomedict Undersnatch: you'd be surprised, sugarcheeks


Oliver: Whoa-ho-ho. What's this?

Almond: Slowly fucking into another dimension don't watch


I'd be annoyed Karolina shooed everyone out of the room where the food is so she could take a stank sponge bath in the kitchen sink, but I'm actually more irritated that there's a literal fire extinguisher hanging over it.


Yes. Great. Yeah, leave the fridge open, spoil all your food, and then get food poisoning and die. I'm mostly not even being sarcastic


Beatrice: I ATE ALL THE MONOPOLY PIECES BUT I'M STILL HUNGRY


Beatrice: WHO DID THIS TO ME WAS IT KIRIE I BET IT WAS, THAT BETCH


I didn't cap it because if I had this would be like six times longer but everyone kept stuffing their shit faces and I got tired of forcing errors on them to cancel it so I just put some boxes in front of the fucking fridge the end.


Stanley: *sunstroke*

Marvin:




How did you get— ohh. You ate out of the trash, didn't you.

Karolina: Don't judge me. Haven't I suffered enough? Don't I deserve love and trash bagels?


Karolina: Now, I'm telling you this for your own good: never fuck an astronaut. NEVER.

Sophie: This conversation reminds me I haven't tried to get a baby in Kirie yet.

Marvin: Niiiiiiiiiice


Sigh

Marvin: Niiiiiiiiiice


Kirie, no, that's a terrible idea.

Marvin: SHUT UP






Beatrice: NO NOT KIRIE, OUR PERFECT POLY FAMILY IS SHATTERED

Stanley:


Beatrice: I'M PREGNANT WITH YOUR MURDERBABY, YOU FUCKING SHITNOSE

Kirie: I'm confident there's nothing I can do to improve this situation!


I'm speechless, so I'll let Marvin handle this one.

Marvin: Asshooooole


Beatrice: I'm gonna go take a giant, pregnant lady shit in Sophie's bed.

I think that's... all the beds.

Beatrice: I got this. Those Monopoly pieces were pure fiber.


Stanley: I'M DYING SQUIRTLE

Daisy: What do you think of these shoes, Marvin

Marvin: Niiiiiiiice


Kirie: That's one down.


Six to go! Sorry, Stanley. Your shy sim dancing and luxurious locs will be missed.


Given Karolina's 0 active points, that shouldn't be a problem, concerned popup.


Since Sophie's sordid hookup with Kirie, Bea's just gone from bed to bed, sleeping for one minute, waking up hungry, and going to the next bed in the hopes that it will contain a secret snack.


Oliver: Chin up, Demelza. I know your girlfriend's other girlfriend isn't doing so hot with her gutful of baby, but I believe in you. I know you can do better. You can do it!

Demelza: You wouldn't happen to have a couple Big Macs hidden on you, would you?


In which Karolina attacks Demelza for a third time after heroically acquiring not a single Body point. But this time for sure!

Spoiler: nope.


Oliver: It is my duty to save you from yourself. Therefore I will write sonnets in my diary until your self-destructive urge to eat garbage passes.

Karolina: I'm sorry, I thought this was America.

Demelza: Is it? I was never clear on that


Beatrice: I AM COMPLETELY MISERABLE


Grim: Not for much longer.

Sophie: OH NO, WHAT HAS MY UNPRECEDENTED FERTILITY DOOONE


This. It has done this. Bye Bea! :<


Sophie: MY LOVE KILLED MY WOMAN THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED LIGHTNING ROD SALT LICK WHEEOO WHEEOO

Oliver: aw yeah man this shit gonna be dank


Sophie: I have blotted it all from my mind and am completely cured. Thanks, Doctor Butthair!

Dr. Butthair: Anytime, doll. Go forth and be grand.


Sophie: Wait... I'm no longer certain that man was really a doctor.

Kirie: he's a ph.d not an m.d. we used to play chess on wednesdays


Sophie: I'm so hungry even you're starting to look good, Begnomedict Undersnatch.

Begnomedict Undersnatch: don't tell such disgusting lies, freckled human


Since the challenge is moving along at last I got them a new fridge and stopped blocking it with boxes. You're welcome, survivor jerks


Kirie: From my loving, meticulous construction of this exquisite grilled cheese, I have intuited the proper way to roast a pork.


Oliver: This is the right way to cheer someone up after the death of a loved one!

Marvin: Noooope


8D PRECIOUS BABY AWWWWW run Gumbo. Run fast. Run far.


Meanwhile, in Preglandia


Demelza: I do not enjoy this.




Karolina: Oh yeah, Oliver. He exists.

Daisy: Don't think about my boyfriend, trash mouth.


Sophie: Has that ominous inverted pentagram always been there? Because I'm missing a lipstick in exactly that shade and I want to know who to blame.

Begnomedict Undersnatch: lol


Oliver: I can't tell for sure if that is a butt. Perhaps I should fondle it.

Karolina: Not if you want to keep your glasses out of your asshole, smooth talker.


Oliver: Fair enough. Allow me to just mop up this puddle, then.

Two down, five to go. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you so much, you're so wonderful!!