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Gashlycrumb: 5.4
Ask not for whom the 'Crumb crumbs
It crumbs for thee.
So last time, Velvet and Victor were pushing the boundaries of sibling love at the local bar. Some other stuff happened, also.
Like when Varney had a birthday, thereby becoming old enough to go to school and start flunking, like every true 'crumb!
Varney: SURPRISE
Velvet: HOLY FUCK WHAT IF GHOST SHARK WAS IN THERE? YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME YOU LITTLE SHIT
Which stupid asshole put a fresh plate of hot diggity dogs on the floor?
Baby: You mean, which saint is not going to find a dead thing under their groundsheet tonight?
I moved the plate to the counter, where it belonged.
Baby: Ha! I laugh in the face of your pitiful counter obstacle. Ho ho ho ho!
Who the fuck are you, Santa Claws?
Victor: FUCK YOU, TOILET. THIS ISN'T OVER. I'LL KICK ANYONE'S ASS. I'LL KICK YOUR ASS. I'LL KICK YOUR DOG'S ASS! I'LL KICK MY OWN ASS
Only the last one is true.
Uninvited Cardigan: Hey guys, how's it going? Kissing and stuff? Cool, cool. I like your pajamas. I've got some great pajamas at home. I'm really looking forward to changing into them. I think yours might be nicer, though. I'm not sure. Anyhoo, they're really nice. Your pajamas, I mean.
Velvet: Brother dear, fancy a backrub?
Victor: That'd be just the thing to lift my sinking spirits!
Varney: If that backrub doesn't work out, I think I have just the thing.
Varney: PARTY HARD PARTY HARD PARTY HARD
You ladies ok? You're both looking a little... wonky.
Xena: I'm fine. Eye's just twitching.
Theda: 'M slowly phasing into another dimension. Don't watch. 8D
The dimension of Xena's literal granny panties, I see
Beatrice Von Tassel From The Survivor Challenge: BOWLING
Victor: A blue shell? How COULD you?!
Velvet: Look sharp, slick, just cuz you're cute as a button doesn't mean I won't slit your throat for first place.
Varney: WOOHOO CARTOON VIOLENCE
Baby continues to believe Whisper's bed is a cat bed. ...Because it is, I guess.
Speaking of Whisper
Whisper: I was just eating chili and Gadwin PrintScreen went off by itself I'm not a model
Whisper visits the Zillah Gashlycrumb Memorial Rock Garden.
Whisper: *does whatever that is*
Whisper: I like rock 8D
Fred Fritter: Heyyyyyy
Whisper: HEYYYYYY
Fred Fritter: I hope this isn't too forward of me but I would love, just love, to bang your drum.
Whisper: The ol' drum could use a good banging, it's true! I haven't played since marching band in high school. ...Ohh, wait. Wait. Is this flirtatious banter? Then I would like to have sex with you, yes.
Whisper: At the right place and right time, maybe tonight?
Fred Fritter: I love She Wants Revenge!
Meanwhile, the other cat in this house does a job. And she does it well. She will guard the Landgraab Stone! Baby is not fooled by transparent attempts at distraction! Baby is the elite!
Gosh
I'll try not to spend it all in one place
So since the Gashlycrumbs are trying to make a go of this gentleman honey farmer thing, I had Theda purchase a little honey-selling venue. And then never photographed it even once, naturally! Anyway, it's called Honeyside.
Meanwhile again, back to the unemployed cat and his ventures of a romantic nature.
Romance by the stairs: *blossoms*
Tish and Winnie: *don't give a fuck*
Fred Fritter: This was fun. Let's do it again sometime! *smooch*
And that was the last Whisper ever saw of them, because I totally forgot they had a thing going until literally just now writing this update. \o/
Xena: Good to see the younger generation taking an interest in self-defense techniques!
"Unpleasant rumors" = "borderline incest"
Victor: NO MISSILES EVER
Velvet: I am speaking to Victor.
Xena: CATCH ME THEDA I AM AIRBORNE
Theda: CHRIST
Varney: Heck yeah, new pajamas!
Teen Varney. Wowza *__*
Look at my pretty bb girl doing her homework like a boss :')
Winnie: As my best friend, it is your duty to best my friend forever. Forever.
Tish: Okay but have u considered lemons
Tish: Also, my sunburn
I sent xir to the community garden to pick some lemons to make lemonade to cool down and ease xir sunburn, because that is how Sims 2.
But then while xe was there I decided to have xir spray the crops to build up xir gardening skill cuz why not and tHIS WAS WHY NOT
Plantish: Suddenly I have a mighty craving to photosynthesize.
Okay, so I guess this is happening now. I was going to cure xir, but I rarely ever have plantsims happen so I'll roll with it for now (I find them super annoying in general).
Plantish: Yay!
Winnie: Bangin'. I always wondered what it would be like to fuck a tree. I guess this is kinda like that.
Varney: um
Varney: EAT IT, GIOVANNI
Whisper: I am looking in another direction
Victor: There's a new evil witch in town. I met her. She's not scary. That weird guy with the monocle bullied her into buying an assload of cereal for some hedgehogs.
Whisper: Were you actually telling me something or was that just a jumble of word salad because like, what
Velvet: paints paints painting paint brother brother brother paint
Jesus, Xena, fine
Here you fucking go.
Varney: OMG
And then Xena went out to the back yard to very purposefully and obnoxiously not play her brand new damn pinball machine she goddamn had to have.
Theda: That one looks like an AT-AT walker with no head!
Whisper: Congratulations on becoming a grandmother!
Varney: NO
Plantish: Sup?
Toilet: Not much just exploding into another dimension don't watch
Baby: No.
Varney: When I was a baby, you left me on the bathroom floor and laughed about it. I don't like you.
Victor: Oh, yeah? Well, fuck you, and fuck your goldfish.
Varney: Bitch. Don't. You. Ever. Talk. About. My. Goldfish.
Victor: YOUR MOM'S A GOLDFISH.
You have the SAME MOM
And Varney doesn't even HAVE a goldfish
And YOU HAVE THE SAME MOM
Velvet: Ooohhh, come here, my poor brother. Was that stupid cabbage Varney mean to you? Let me kiss the sad away.
Victor: Please do!
Varney: I'm very uncomfortable.
Varney: Y'all are disgusting, and I am ashamed to share your genes.
Victor: Aw, come on, you're stealing my jeans now?!
Velvet: *watches stoicly*
Victor: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLOSET, YOU SAD LITTLE SPEEDBUMP
Velvet: Huh, how did I get to the kitchen?
Victor: AND ANOTHER THING. I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE NOW.
Whisper: Hey brosephs, what'd I miss?
Varney: Slapped your face back, road scum.
Velvet: I wonder if this will look better for Victor if I crop it like this...
I'm with Varney. Y'all are grossbuckets.
No one could have seen this coming. No one
Pictured: the death of Varney and Victor's dignities.
Whisper: GO SOMEBODY! FIGHT - FIGHT - FIGHT
It was a really, really long fight.
Is that really what you're doing, Plantish? Are you sure
Meanwhile
Varney: Ouch.
Victor: AND STAY OUT!
Varney: I'm gonna slay him.
Baby: *is a gentleman honey farmer*
Plantish being a plant is actually coming in handy for gentleman honey farming. Xir needs don't depreciate while xe harvests the honey, and it fulfills xir need for sun at the same time.
[muffled speed metal playing in the distance]
Varney: I just can't figure out how to school.
Is that Alien Friend with you? 8D
IT IS 8D
Look at my pretty bb girl playing water balloons with her cute alien friend :'>
Winnie: SHINY PONYTA! SHINY PONYTA
Varney: I dedicate this couchjump to your shiny Ponyta, Ma!
Winnie: Thanks, buttercup!
Jesus Christ
Victor: Hmm... if I'm not mistaken, this is a pool table.
Couch arm: Can I play?
Alien Friend: Oh, shitbiscuit. You're one of those creepy kids, aren't you?
Velvet: *hears no evil*
Alien Friend: This is so uncomfortable, fuck.
Velvet: Did you like, need something or?
Velvet: *thoughtfully pees with the door open so Victor has a direct line of sight*
Victor: Oh um, crap, uh... HELLO, FEMALE. YOU ARE VERY ATTRACT? I AM ATTRACT? YES
Alien Friend: Aww, your word salad is adorable, you poor dumb dork.
Winnie: You need to knock it off with the brotherlove. Seriously. The rest of us are getting creeped out, and we're Fritters by blood.
Theda: *proves it*
Saddest slapfight ever, take two!
Winnie: Oh, god damn it.
Winnie: Well, when he's done in there, I'm gonna tell him good job doing something other than trying to do his sister.
Varney: This is B.S. I hate it. It's bullshawn.
Varney: Why can't I win, Overlord?
Because Victor went through a phase where all he wanted to do was run the obstacle course, sweet pea. Sorry.
Velvet: Victory red hands?
Victor: Don't mind if I do!
Velvet: Brother brother brother brother brother brother
At least I can see where she gets it.
GOODBYEEEE
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IT JOKES FOR THEE <333
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(Anonymous) 2014-08-08 05:55 am (UTC)(link)WHAT A CUTE BABY
WCIF your plantsim default(?), it's sooooo cute, and Tish looks surprisingly great with all those clashing colors!
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(Anonymous) 2014-08-10 02:42 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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(Anonymous) 2014-08-10 02:43 am (UTC)(link)no subject
varney is adorable!!!!!
and i laughed out loud several times while reading this haha
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thank youuuu varney is my super transparent fave
i AM SO GLAD
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I love the cat pals <3
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i am so glad <3
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