Fritter: 10.4 (The End!)

[azaya]

Hello all and welcome to the very last Fritter Legacy update!

I know, I know, I dragged it out forever. Suffice to say I kind of forgot to write it even though I actually played this back in, like, May. Oops. Well, here it is now, hopefully the better for having aged a bit! Like a fine wine. But probably more like a boxed wine.


Unsurprisingly, we begin with a Fritter thinking about sex, as they so often do. This raises some interesting questions about the sex drive of robots, i.e., do they actually have one? Apparently they do, or at least Whirr Ping Click Click does.


And she is eager to display it to all and sundry, or at least Willow.

Willow: I'm so alone! 8D


Willow, darling, sweetheart, I know you're lonely. I know it was a struggle to find Starla in the first place, and then she turned around and left you for your sister. I know you're in a dark place right now.

But for the love of god, don't venture into an even darker one, by which I mean Almond's ancient, mummified snatch.


Kriemhild: Hello my mechanical love muffin, about whom I still have intense, conflicted feelings given your actions on our wedding day!

Whirr Ping Click Click: I wonder if these towels need changing.


I think the towels are fine, but Whirr Ping Click Click's undergarments might.

I have no idea what happened here, I stopped watching her for ten minutes and when I clicked back over she was powered down on the sidewalk in a puddle of her own pee. Coolant? I dunno.

Kriemhild: Ah, marriage.


Kriemhild: Ah, foreplay!


Miss Pretty: VILLAIN! CEASE AT ONCE THE SPEWING OF YOUR INNARDS! I WAS PLANNING TO ROLL AROUND ON THAT RUG!

Cleanbot: #Yolo


Almond and Tiona had a water balloon fight. This is one of the few activities Almond cannot make sexual, so I allowed it.

Almond: Give it time! I'll find a way.


Meanwhile, Fred passed out from heatstroke while a sadistic neighbor observed.

Sadistic neighbor: I'm watching for science.


Over here we have teen Tiona


and teen Charlotte. If you're saying we haven't seen a lot of them, you're right! Unfortunately for them, they have produced no shenanigans worthy of upstaging their parents. Alas.


Charlotte: Really? Take a look at THIS! My mother can't possibly have done something this charming and whimsical! Soon I'll be rolling in attention.

It's a good effort, sweetie.


I'm not sure Whirr Ping Click Click has any reason to be afraid of bees, as I'm fairly sure their stingers can't penetrate pure titanium, or whatever it is she's made out of.

Heh. Penetrate.


Whirr Ping Click Click: Ahoy, mateys! We be settin' sail any moment now on a sea of originality!


I thought some shenanigans might ensue if I let Charlotte search for a lover or at least a hint of personality might emerge


But we're off to a bad start when the matchmaker produces the very taken Tomato Gashlycrumb.


Fred: So I think maybe they're able to move through dimensions, and we're so technologically inferior to them that our minds just can't conceive of it.

Kriemhild: Who's technologically inferior? I built a perfect robot woman! Well, almost perfect.

whirr Ping Click Click: Will you let it go? It's not my fault you didn't install a monogamy chip.


Charlotte gets her meaningful first forehead kiss from the cooking contest judge, and I let it happen because it's generation 10, guys, I don't even care. Be as depraved as you want short of doing it with Almond


After their illuminating discourse on the technological achievements of aliens, Fred grows up to teen and is becoming a very fetching young human, if I do say so myself.


Whirr Ping Click Click has acquired some wisdom at last. Better late than never, I guess!


Willow: On the one hand, I am lonely and alone with no romantic prospects in sight. On the other, I got this badass T-shirt off the internet. I guess this week evens out to a so-so.


Makeouts happen conspicuously, plants shout about it.


I hope no one flushes the toilet while Whirr Ping Click Click prepares those burgers. Do you know how far bacteria-ridden water droplets can travel? Really far.


Creepy Food Judge: Maybe we should go out again some other time, wink wink

Charlotte: Is your eye okay? I think I've got some drops in my purse...


Whirr Ping Click Click: I could go for a little tonsil hockey right about now.

Which would be fine, except that


the bathroom burgers are still on the stove.

I braced myself, expecting flames.


But no fire came, probably because Whirr Ping Click Click abruptly remembered that it isn't a good idea to abandon food on a hot stove, making her arguably the smartest sim I've ever created.

That is a sad sentence to have to type.


Almond: I can kick all your asses! I'll kick the ass of anyone here.

Untimely popup: *is depressing*


Kriemhild fulfills her destiny.


Abruptly Cleanbot loses its shit, again, and strews garbage from one end of the porch to the other.

But that's okay! We have a terrifying creature to scare it back on track, right?


Miss Pretty: Wrong. I am busy contemplating taking possession of this bed.

All right, well, we also have a chore-performing robot! It's fine.


Whirr Ping Click Click: I feel like I should be doing something...


I'll give you a hint.


Whirr Ping Click Click: I got nothin'.


Whirr Ping Click Click: Oh, of course! I must scrub this pillow.


Yes. Of course.


By morning, the green stank had fully set in. Did I say earlier that Whirr Ping Click Click was my smartest sim? Because I want to time travel into the recent past and slap my past self for saying that.


Instead, Kriemhild takes care of the problem for me.


Kriemhild: What a peaceful morning. Dull, even.

Whirr Ping Click Click: scream


Matchmaker: HEY GUYS! I BROUGHT YOU ONE OF THESE THINGS AGAIN. I DUNNO WHY OR WHAT FOR, BUT YOU KNOW, I'M PRETTY COKED UP AT THE MOMENT SO WHATEVER! YEAHHH


Whirr Ping Click Click: :)

Almond: :D

Kriemhild: D8<


Willow: I dunno, I was thinking about going back to school, maybe getting qualified for something more lucrative than food service. Like some kind of desk job?

Everyone else: *piles up in a pileup of stupid*


Rubbernecker O'Spectral: Hey guys, what's going on in this living room


Tiona: Yay, I'm part of the conversation!




Kriemhild: Oh, how sweet! A love letter to my teenage daughter from that nice lady who runs the cooking competitions.

I give up on you entirely, Kriemhild.


Kriemhild: Excellent. With Whirr Ping Click Click powered down, I am free to pursue any activity I might choose. ...Hey, Almond!


Almond: Yo


It's been so long since I actually played this that I don't remember what Kriemhild's lifetime want was, so let's all just assume it was related to banging Almond and move on.


Almond: That's a wrap for this generation! Better start working on the next one...

ALMOND, YOU ARE A BLIGHT ON THIS HARD DRIVE.


Tiona: No, see, it's okay! I'm an adult now.

It is beyond me to deal with this so whatever let's just see everyone grown up.


Charlotte!


Fred!


Kriemhild?

Kriemhild: Hey beautiful, yer lookin' FINE.


With generation ten all grown up, they move out en masse to strike out on their own, to carve their initials into the trunk of society, and get the hell away from Almond and her terrifying tractor beam vagoo.


Bye, guys! Have fun! Live well! Don't forget to write! (But not to Almond.)


Almond: Byeeee!

So there you have it, ten full generations of Fritters! I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I did playing. I try so hard. So very, very hard.

Comments

[lovelyxwow]

Aww, can't believe they are done but wow it has been a ride of awesomeness so I can't complain! Love them Fritters!! ♥♥

[azaya]

I'm so glad you've enjoyed the ride!! ♥♥♥♥

[selahgio]

I did enjoy ten generations of the Fritter Family. I'm very said to see them go away actually :/ I hope you'll be still posting other legacies and what not still. I look forward to them :)

[azaya]

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed them, and yeah, I'm sad to see them go too! :< I have every intention of continuing with my other legacies, though!

[aquilegia]

Goodbye, Fritters!

Your commentary combined with everything going completely haywire this last generation has been a lot of fun. X)

[azaya]

:D Thanks so much! Yeah, this uh, this generation did seem to decide to just lose its collective shit.

[eefje00704]

Noooooooooooo! I'll miss reading about the Fritters. Thanks for an awesome legacy, it's been so much fun to read!

[azaya]

You're so welcome, and thank YOU so much <3

[curiousb]

Sadly, it's true that all good things do come to an end, and this was a very good thing indeed! In fact, it's the only legacy I have ever read all the way (and only the second I have ever read at all).

Ah well, at least we have the Gashlycrumbs to console ourselves with! :D

[azaya]

Oh my goodness, thanks so much! I'm thrilled that I was able to keep it interesting that long! :DD

[pyrrhocorax]

awwww, FAREWELL FRITTERS you were all great except Almond who got progressively creepier and creepier. I'm going to pretend Fred would have been heir if it wasn't the last generation because wow cutie.

[azaya]

SHE REALLY DID. I love her but she only continues to get creepier, albeit in the background of other legacies. Also, Fred probably would be heir because yeah, they're easily the cutest I think, and I have documented my own shallowness very well. 8D

[(Anonymous)]

Best. Legacy. Ever. Despite her creeptacular antics (or maybe because of them ;)) I am SO glad you kept Almond around the whole time.
Your game is beautiful and you are hilarious.

[azaya]

Eeee thank you so very much!! This is so nice jdfkhgkjt. <33

[oph3lia]

I'm sad to see this end, its one of the few legacies I've ever started to read and then continued reading.

Almond will be disappointed with the lack of new blood in the house!

[azaya]

Oh my goodness, thanks! I'm honored :D

Heh, yes she will! But I imagine she'll find ways to occupy her time. Like harassing the rest of the town, for instance.

[currantpotpie]

Aw, it was such an awesome legacy! I'm glad you kept up with it...one of my absolute favorites!

[azaya]

Thank you, this is so nice to hear <333