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Fritter: 10.2
Hi guys! The Fritters aren't quite finished yet. :D
When we left off, Kriemhild was getting to know Whirr Ping Click Click, her new robot friend.
Kriemhild: Yeah, so, tell me more about your vibrating fingers. I can think of so many uses for that! All of them are sexual.
Aim high, Whirr Ping Click Click! Aim high.
Now that Starla and Jasmine are the same age, I'm a little worried.
And excited. But worried. And excited.
But apparently Jasmine has other goals at the moment. Oh, dear.
Whirr Ping Click Click only has electric eyes for Kriemhild, though! Excellent.
Kriemhild: That is a fine-ass rack. I did good.
What she's not doing so good on is parenting, as you can see. Poor Charlotte.
Tiona: Mom, can't we learn the nursery rhyme somewhere that doesn't smell like poop?
Willow: Alllll around the mulberry bush the monkey chased the weeeeeeaseeel~ 8D
Jasmine: *casually stands in front of the TV so that Starla will have to look at her panty-clad ass*
Starla: *likes this!*
Almond: *also likes this god damn it Almond*
Starla: I don't much care for you!
Kriemhild: I have been avenged.
At this point I had to power down Whirr Ping Click Click, because no matter what 'no servo chores' mod I used, she would not stop trying to fucking drown the toddlers with baby formula.
Jasmine: Ugh, those jerks. Flaunting their love at me when they know how bad I wanna get into Starla's nightie.
Uh, I don't think they actually—
Jasmine: I'LL SHOW THEM.
UM.
Kriemhild: Well, that was the most uncomfortable makeout I've ever witnessed, magic wand!
Almond: *has remembered Starla exists and is thus over it*
Down at the China Nasty, Jasmine belatedly realizes what she's done.
Jasmine: Oh, that, uh, was my ancestor I kissed, wasn't it?
Yes. It completely was.
Not having learned any kind of lesson, she makes a beeline for Kriemhild's baby mama, Emmy.
Jasmine: Hi. I believe you've fucked my sister? I just thought I'd let you know that I'm the hot one. Easy mistake. How'd you like to hook up in the bathroom?
Emmy: Well, you are very pretty, but I'm gonna pass on the hookup. I'm still hoping Kriemhild will call, and I don't want her to shoot bees at me for sleeping with someone else.
Jasmine: Loser, no one said anything about 'sleep'!
Next she tried to proposition yet another Christmas elf apparently.
At least this Christmas elf likes buttroses.
Jasmine: Hooray! I'll finally get the taste of Gangy Almond's dentures out of my mouth.
Starla literally cannot do any goddamn thing without Willow shadowing her. I can't decide if it's adorable or annoying. Maybe both.
Willow: Sorry about the floor. Can I help?
Moppy O'Spectral: No, thanks. You've done enough.
Kriemhild: ...and then he was like, 'What is this? A center for ANTS?!'
Oh inaccessible beds. You are the source of such magic. And terror.
Kriemhild: Caress me gently with your robot fingers~
Kriemhild: You might not know this, but I am THE BEST at makeouts. Certified best. Like, two people have said so.
Whirr Ping Click Click: SHOW ME
More date swag for Jasmine. I'm sticking it all in her inventory in case she ever strikes out on her own. Girl won't even need a trust fund at this rate.
Starla: Curse you, toilet! If you were only a few inches closer...
Someone call Moppy O'Spectral.
Yes, Charlotte, watch out indeed...
Whirr Ping Click Click: No doubt about it, that blanket is a blanket.
Almond: ...And if making speeches makes you anxious, just imagine everybody's naked! Trust me, it works. I give speeches all the time just so I can do that.
Willow: Seriously, why are you guys even in here?
Almond: If you're ever interested in going out, Starla, I'm always a dream date. ;D
Kriemhild: Marry me, you exquisite hunk of metal and wire. Marry me.
Whirr Ping Click Click said yes, so off the family goes to the wedding chapel, because lately I've been enjoying big weddings.
...Jasmine, for the love of god.
Jasmine: What? I can't help the wants I roll. It's not like you have to fulfill it.
I am watching you so close, you don't even know. :|
What a wedding party this is. Jasmine and Willow couldn't bother to get dressed for their sister's wedding, and Starla stayed home to watch the babies. Also because she and Kriemhild hate each other!
You can actually kinda see Whirr Ping Click Click's robot parts in this dress. Well, some of them.
Tuxedo Axethrow: At last I have revenge for the sullied hot tub, Kriemhild Fritter: wearing the same outfit as you to your wedding. Now don't you look foolish!
One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong~
Jasmine: I am BORED. When do we eat cake?
Omri: Ooh, I hope it's cassata cake!
Omri: Oh, there's my seat.
The couple: *mawage*
Jasmine: *polite applause*
Velma: I am gonna shank this butthole that stole my dress.
Velma: FIRST SHE STEALS MY DRESS, THEN MY CHAIR?! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS
Noirelle: Why do I smell rage?
Kriemhild: THINK FAST *cakesmoosh*
Whirr Ping Click Click: SMORLGPH
Whirr Ping Click Click: Oh, no, I've got cake on my circuits!
Kriemhild: I AM COMEDY INCARNATE
Almond: I wonder what's going on in this corner.
So this is about when shit got real. Usually after the wedding I send everyone home, but this time I thought it would be fun to let them hang around, eat from the buffet, and make use of the keg.
That was a terrible, terrible idea.
See, the keg lets sims get drunk and do literally anything to literally anyone (from what I can tell). First off, Axethrow jumped Willow for absolutely no reason.
Whirr Ping Click Click: I can't watch!
Kriemhild: GO WILLOW
Jasmine: KICK HER ASS
Almond wasn't drunk, she just decided to take a mid-morning sponge bath because of course.
Noirelle: Somehow, Almond is to blame for this.
Well, she's not technically right, but I'm gonna let her have that one anyway because fair enough.
Kriemhild: I know how to put a stop to this.
I thought if she set something on fire everyone would drop what they were doing to go freak out about it. Unfortunately, the fire didn't catch, and Kriem decided to go get drunk instead of trying again.
Kriemhild: WOO SPRING BREAK
Archibald: someone help me please
Willow righteously trounced Axethrow. Yay!
Axethrow: I CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYONE THINKS YOU'RE NICE YOU'RE A DIRTY-FIGHTING ASSBUTT AND I'M GONNA MAKE SURE THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS IT
Willow: But I, but you, but—!
Then things went from bad to worse.
Drunk Velma: Hey baby, that wedding dress looks fiiiiine. It'd look better on the bathroom floor though, you game?
Whirr Ping Click Click: Hee hee I was only built three days ago and accordingly have no context for monogamy so I don't see why not! 8D
Kriemhild: Aw HELL NAW
Kriemhild: I'M GONNA SLAP YOU SO HARD I'LL KNOCK YOUR BOLTS LOOSE
Whirr Ping Click Click: I don't understand why this is happening! 8D
Kriemhild: I'M GONNA MURDER YOU EIGHT WAYS FROM SUNDAY YOU WIFE-STEALING CANKER SORE
I have to say, I'm a little impressed. This is the first time I've ever had a sim cheat at their own wedding reception. Whirr Ping Click Click isn't even Romance.
Whirr Ping Click Click: Oh my gosh, she's fighting a duel for my honor!
Axethrow and Noirelle: YOU DON'T DESERVE IT, YOU TRAMP.
Oliver: It's so peaceful in here.
Kriemhild: AND DON'T EVER TOUCH MY DUMB ROBOT WIFE AGAIN OR I'LL PUT YOUR WHOLE BODY THROUGH THAT TABLE.
Whirr Ping Click Click: Thank goodness there's been no repercussions for me!
Kriemhild: W-R-O-N-G.
Back at home I decided I wasn't done punishing Whirr Ping Click Click yet, so I smote her with the batbox.
This was a bad idea.
Willow: Hey new sis! How's it going?
Whirr Ping Click Click: SSDSFJRIUDFFGJKMLNGH
Apparently if you smite servos, they will run fucking wild until their energy bottoms out.
I did not know this.
Whirr Ping Click Click: REUIYTHJKHKJSHDJKHFGJKGHUTRHFDKSDSSSSSSSSSSS
Disapproving Frog: *disapproves of this entire update*
Charlotte: Hey, mom? Mom, I'm hungry... mom? Mom, are you listening? Mom?
Kriemhild: Not now, Charlotte. Mommy's heart has been broken. :|
Charlotte: Mom, I appreciate the attention and all, but this isn't food...
Charlotte: Wait, mom, no, what're you doing? The fridge is RIGHT THERE!
Kriemhild: Shhhh, sweetie, something's come up.
What exactly has come up that you can't stop to feed your—
Oh no.
OH NO.
KRIEMHILD NO
Kriemhild: Don't bother me, Overlord. I'm revenge fucking.
UYHTUIREGHKJHKJHSDTEARSOUTHAIR
Almond: Yeah, baby, you go ahead and sleep it off. I got creeper stuff to do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azaya: *sobs into the abyss*
Charlotte: Look, mom! Look what I did! Look— oh. You're not mom. ._.
No, I'm not, sorry :< Hey, I'm really impressed with your toilet lake, though!
Charlotte: It's not the same, but thanks for trying.
The grossest couple ever: Tee hee giggle giggle
Jasmine: *extreme snowboards*
Jasmine: Room for one more?
GO TO YOUR ROOM.
Downstairs, Whirr Ping Click Click is still powered down in shame.
Charlotte: I don't need mommy! I have you, right, Miss Pretty?
Miss Pretty: Yes. Just as I will have your kidneys tonight.
Almond: Hey, Kriemhild.
Don't you ever speak to her again you terror from beyond oh my god
Tiona: Hey Overlord, I don't mean to interrupt the hatefest but could you pay attention to me for a minute?
Oh! Sure, kiddo.
Look what a little cutie oh my goodness :D
Nice to know that Almond isn't abandoning the Starla Club after making friends with Kriemhild's beav. At least Starla's not a blood relative!
Elsewhere, Beef Fritter finally married his boyfriend of... about seven hundred years, Ham, and it went much more smoothly. Though to be fair, I can't imagine a wedding not going more smoothly than Kriem's.
Jasmine was in attendance and thus it is relevant to this generation of the legacy. 8D
The loading screen continues to lie. Kriemhild and Whirr Ping Click Click are still married but Kriem kind of hates the shit out of her.
Viz.
I don't think servos even have ghosts.
Jasmine and Starla needed to get their romance sim on, so I sent them over to Swan's club, The Paradise.
After half an hour of playing pool, Starla discovered the bubble blower and settled in happily for the next six hours.
While Jasmine goes on the prowl with buttroses aplenty!
Jasmine: Comfy, baby?
Beatrice: Giggle, yeah!
Uninvited Moptop: hey
Uninvited Moptop: hey
Greer: Oh my good god lord I can't believe my own granddaughter is getting down to it on a couch in public, I've never been so embarrassed
Hey Swan! How's it going? See anything interesting out the window?
Swan: Naw, just some bushes.
Yeah, I see some bushes too.
Jasmine: I'm just putting this out there, but I am a stellar kisser. I mean it. You would not believe what I can do with my tongue.
Starla: Perhaps you'd care to demonstrate~
Swan: I hate my family.
And what an excellent start to childhood Charlotte's getting!
That's it for now. Next time on As The Fritter Turns: all hell breaks loose. Seriously.
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............AND TERRIBLE
mostly i just feel bad for whirr ping click click :( aw sad
and the poor unfed children
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i feel bad for her too, poor inexperienced robot thing. but her plight also is hilarious to me.
thankfully, now the children are old enough to get leftovers out of the fridge themselves.
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That was probably one of the angriest weddings full of chaos I've seen in a while too, omg.
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Yeah it was... a wedding to remember, for sure.
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Also, excellent use of a Madoka gif, although now I'm worried for what's yet to come. >_>
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Thank you 8D You wouldn't think it would be that hard to find a gif of Charlotte's second form by herself but it took a lot of searching.
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♥ ♥ ♥
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Almond + Kriemhild = UGGGGGGGGH NOOOOOOO!!! THE HORROR!!!
Suddenly I am relieved I've never done a community lot wedding (random around the house/garden weddings FTW) Bad Whirr Ping Click Click!
All hell breaks loose next time? :O I thought it already had.... lol
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FRITTERS NO
god the undignified noises i'm making.
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Seriously.
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I must have been making some very peculiar noises...
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At long last, I am fully up to date with all things fritter. What a whirlwind of debauchery and delight! 8D
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(Anonymous) 2013-05-21 10:24 pm (UTC)(link)Poor Charlotte though. Hopefully she'll receive more attention in her child stage :