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Gashlycrumb: 6.7
More 'crumbs in college! What a time to be alive.
Last time:
- Una and Usaggie began their ~college experience~
- Usaggie met the light of her life, a vision in pink named Meredith
- Una met a horde of enemies
- Among them was Kuzco McFuckpants the llama mascot. Fuck that guy we hate him
- Some dinkfuck peed on the floor a bunch of times. Who did it. WHO DID THE THING.
The Sims 2: Una has class in one hour.
I think Una has more pressing matters to attend to
Una: NYAAAAAARGH
Meredith: is this a bad time
She didn't go to class and then sulked about it. Okay, princess punchpants, whatever.
I don't recall if I mentioned before, but Una's majoring in Physics, Usaggie in Literature. I just let them do whatever they rolled a want for first.
Una: Oh my glob. Oh my glob it's snowing again. In Winterhold!
Imagine
Kuzco McFuckpants: Hey, is your jerk sister around?
Usaggie: No, man, I'm not getting in the middle of this. Call her yourself.
Looks like Una's busy anyway.
Wow, uh. Wow. Una don't fuck around. Watch your back, Douglas.
Una: Hey, unrelated, can we grow a cowplant?
Maybe if you're good all semester.
Una: If not, I'll just beat shit out of him again. I've got three body points now, you know!
That's my girl 8D
Una: Dude, those are non-regulation darts! Be careful.
Mod Shag: Thanks for your concern earlier! But don't worry. My crystal ball has not predicted any surprise visits from the Dart Patrol.
Una: Oh, that's a relief!
Douglas: YOU GUYS. OH MY GLOB, YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS HAVE YOU WATCHED THE NEW HOUSE OF CARDS YET, IT'S FUCKING INSANE
Usaggie: No, we're eating mac and cheese
Trash chute: I'LL TALK ABOUT HOUSE OF CARDS WITH YOU, DOUGLAS
Honey, aren't you cold?
Una: Nah. The heat of my artistic brilliance keeps me warm.
Una: These are my lucky undies.
Usaggie: Hey Una, can I borrow your— I'VE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE
Cathy LeTourneau: Most varieties have a little emergency release in case anything happens.
Usaggie: OHH. Okay. I was like, 'But what happens if there's a fire?'
Una: poor ignorant usaggie
Una: I immediately regret this decision.
Yeah, that's pretty much the face I'd make if I spied on Almond.
Una: Maybe studying some Calculus will help wipe the horror out of my mind.
Kuzco McFuckpants: who left their copy of fifty shades of grey in here because that is EXTREMELY thoughtless
I thought Usaggie was working on her term paper when I saw her upstairs on a computer. That was cute of me.
Usaggie: It'll get done! Don't worry.
Meredith: usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie usaggie
Douglas: Gosh that Una grinds my gears!
Una: Well, that motherfetcher can just clean his own shower :|
Another day, another fist fight
Cathy LeTourneau: LEMME GO LEMME GO HOUSE OF CARDS IS ON
Una: NICE TRY IT'S ON NETFLIX YOU CAN WATCH IT ANYTIME
Meanwhile, Usaggie learns to settle disagreements with words instead of punching and I forgot to hide the HiAlgo Chill watermark
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ彡┻━┻
Una: T̮̠A̝͡K̵̺̺͙̜̝̙E ̪̞̝̩̩T͇̕H̭̠̲̦͇͔AT̩͝ͅ
Cathy LeTourneau did not take it. Another battle immediately ensued.
Sander: Oh, hey Una.
Douglas: Holy hickory farms sausage log, I hope she doesn't try that on me next!
Cathy LeTourneau: Oww, I knew my lack of body points would kick me in the ass eventually!
Una: Naw, that was me.
Douglas: REVENGE
Una: Butterflies, come back! It's so cold out here, let me take you inside where you will be warm and safe!
How can you be so kind to nonhuman creatures, yet rule your dorm by fear?
Una: It's one of my talents.
Usaggie: This is the perfect time to take a long, leisurely shower!
Usaggie: See? Told ya!
It'll be good to get the red hair gene back into the family again.
Oh, what, like it was a surprise?
Mod Shag: Hi, Una.
Douglas: it's so peaceful in this direction
Usaggie: Kuzco, stop calling my cell. My minutes plan sucks.
Cookysy von Foodburn: It's good to see young folks getting some exercise, working all those muscle groups.
Una: Aͭ̇̆ͩ̔҉̝͖ͅL̩̤̆̕ͅL̗̠̫̘̘̯̆̈̋̄ͅ ͫ̏̅ͯͨ͐S͖̲̪̺̜̳H͚͎̱̝̟͐̌̎̚A̭̫̅ͮͮ͛̏͞L̨̯̖͕ͪ̽L͇̯̘͎̦̰͒̊̔̿̈́̏ͭ ̧̥̝̤̾͗̐̈ͧ̾L̶̬͔̇ͭͬO̗ͅV̡͍̭̞͖͉̓ͨ̔ͫ͐̽͌E̯̱̺͎̞ͨͨͫ́́ ̓̽҉͙͔̞͕ͅM̯̣̥̗̯̭ͩ̊̈̚ͅE̻̹̳̙͙̖ͅ ̺̭̞͎̱͎͖̂ͮͨA̮̼̽̓ͣ̌N̘͎̹͓̞͙ͣ̽͛D̪͎̮̩͘ ̠̝͍ͩͧ͐̀ͤD͚͎͚̠ͧͣͣͨ̎Ẹ͚͓̪S͊҉̱P̣͇̬̞̖̻͉͆ͫ͐Aͪ̇͆͌͏͎̥͇̠I͙̼Ṟ̭͆̈́ͨ͛̔̿ͦ
Cooksy von Foodburn: Had to drop a loaf, what'd I miss? ...Oh.
Usaggie: Una, when was the last time you had a drink of water? It's important to keep hydrated! Especially during extended knockdown drag-out fights.
Una: LOOK UPON MY THREE BODY POINTS AND TREMBLE, PEROXIDE HEAD
Usaggie: I'm gonna get you a water bottle.
Una: Nah, it's cool, we're done.
Cathy LeTourneau: I don't understand why this keeps happening
Cathy LeTourneau: Maybe slowly phasing into another dimension while I write someone else's term paper will help.
Don't tell me, someone left Fifty Shades of Grey on the bookshelf again.
Sander: What? No! I'm reading erotica, not Emotional Abuse: The Novel.
Una: This is the right attire to wear to class.
Douglas: ...and then you'll never believe what claire said to the russian president
Professor Abercrombie and Fitch: omg i haven't seen it yet no spoilers!
There were a bunch of dormies at the Hall of the Elements. The one in front spawned with an inappropriate first name (I forget what it was) and the last name Royce, so I christened her Phacia instead and now she's named after two lady villains.
Una: Obviously scanning for fingerprints will increase my cleaning skill. Obviously.
How?
Una: Because that way I'll know where to wipe and polish! Duh.
Cathy Somekind: I'd rather be skiing.
Una: Doo doo dee doo, lookin' for fingerprints, doo doo dee dah
"Prints Charming" this fucking game
Una: Found some prints!
It's kind of incredible how long it took her to find any, given how many people are in and out of the Hall every day. Does no one ever touch anything?
Meredith: All I'm saying is someone is gonna break their neck on those stairs. Has anyone considered an elevator instead?
Who're you talking to, bubblegum?
Una: Yep, I'm certain those fingerprints belong to Bilquis Fritter. One hundred percent certain.
That's funny. I'm one hundred percent certain that Bilquis has never even been near Winterhold, and also that she's been dead for like four hundred years.
Una: You're not Kuzco.
Not Kuzco: He's got the flu. I'm filling in.
Una: Those are totally the fingerprints of Batboy O'Leary! Totally.
Again, Batboy O'Leary the pollination technician has never, ever been to Winterhold.
Una: Prints Charming doesn't lie, Overlord! That wouldn't be charming at all.
Usaggie: busts though, right
Douglas: oh yeah, totally
Professor Abercrombie and Fitch: go on
Cathy LeTourneau: Sup, Usaggie.
Usaggie: Sup Cath >8D
Douglas: I MUCH PREFERRED TO TALK ABOUT BUSTS
Meredith: Talk to MY girlfriend will you
Usaggie: Oh man, yeah, my first time was AWESOME.
Meredith: it was meeeee
Cathy LeTourneau: Nice hair, babe.
Meredith what
are you doing
Meredith: I don't know
Usaggie: Oh naw dude it's cool now, I upgraded to unlimited talk and text.
it is official
You could just leave it and let it freeze into ice, honey.
Una: Madam, I have STANDARDS.
Hmm
Sander: No, you don't even understand, your makeup is to die for!
Una: I am resplendently made up, it's true!
Makin my way downtown, waddlin fast
Cheerleader: Faces pass and I'm homebound 8D
Una: I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation
A lovely, scenic shot of the Hall of Attai— damn it
I put in an open window. In Winterhold. In Winterhold.
I fucked it up I fucked it all up
One dormspecifictoolsdisabled false later
Alien Friend: CALL YOUR MOTHER.
Una: Sigh, okaaaay.
Usaggie: 8D! Is that Mom? Let me talk to her!
He's ba~aaack
Usaggie: Don't need this anymore!
Usaggie: Teach me to lie.
Una: Come with me, initiate.
Una: Your problem is that you don't respect the chair. I know, it might sound counterintuitive to say you should respect the target of your lies, but you must. How else will you make them convincing?
Una: Let's try again. Is your name Usaggie Gashlycrumb?
Usaggie: No. B)
Una: We're gonna be here awhile.
Cute dormie interlude
Una: YOU.
Kuzco McFuckpants: What up
Cathy LeTourneau: I just wish it didn't snow so much here, I mean would it kill the weather to be pleasant for like two days in a row?
Douglas: I agree, but speaking of unpleasantness...
Una: HOW DARE YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT SNOW, SHITPOTATO
Una: I'm gonna go make a huge snowball just for Cathy.
Douglas: Phew, she's gone. ...So what are your thoughts on fur-lined handcuffs?
Cathy LeTourneau: I'm so glad you asked!
Usaggie: niiiiiiice
Mod Shag: *sip*
I didn't realize you had a ghost fetish, Usa.
Usaggie and Meredith: SMORLPHHPAGHELRGM
Meredith: OHHH, I GET IT. 'Ghost', cuz I was all transparent and junk!
Yeah uh. Why was that, anyway?
Meredith: You said it yourself, Overlord. Ghost fetish.
Meredith: I tapped the damn out of that and I'm gonna do it again.
Despite Una's diligence in cleaning this disgusting sty, she's only one person, so we invited Varney over to help.
Una: Hey, Mom.
Varney: Shh sweetie, Mommy's spectraling right now.
Just like old times 8D
Professor Abercrombie and Frostbite:
Oh Jesus pickled beets Christ, haven't we suffered enough?
You okay there, Sander?
Sander: Yeah, just trying to phase into another dormension before the cow mascot figures out where the door is.
Una: Don't worry everybody, if that cow fucker tries to get in here, I'll protect us!
Una: Holy frittata flakes, you're writing your own term paper?
Usaggie: Yeah! Well, I mean, mostly. Some of it, anyway. Like, I'm the one who typed my name at the top.
Ingrate.
Usaggie: Hey there Bessy, lovin those udders!
You are disgusting.
Varney: Yeah Usa, get you some.
Cooksy von Foodburn: i should've been a florist
Cheerleader: GO BACK TO YOUR SHITTY COW SCHOOL, MILK DRINKER, THIS IS MY TURF
Meredith: it's so peaceful in this direction
At this point I got sick of uni and sped them through their last two years with the InSimenator.
Usaggie: Bangin.
Not Kuzco: You're the best - around - nothing's gonna ever keep you down! You're the best - around
;__; so clooose
Douglas was being a real tater turd so I smote him with the batbox. The crowd went wild.
Una: Yay!
Usaggie: better mop up this pee before someone slips in it
Una: BY
Una: JOVE
kufhfvkHKHEULHFE
After eight semesters of asexuality, Una plants one on Mod Shag right before it's time to go home. Poor baby has the worst timing.
Una: Just had my first kiss! It's not a big deal.
Usaggie: Marry me, my fuchsia-coiffed princée?
Meredith: SQUEAL
Meredith: YES, BLUEBERRY STRUDEL, A THOUSAND TIMES YES!
Shockwave Bob: jesus no how many times do i have to say i don't want to milk you
Oh, jeez.
Note to self: default more things with dresses.
Cooksy von Foodburn: Thanks for the parting gift, asscockles.
GOODBYE
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so tough
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