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Gashlycrumb: 6.3
Haha wOW I have not updated this since September, I am the worst. The delay was mostly because of two things: 1) I was making a new house for the 'crumbs, and 2) my computer started chokesputtering in rage at Sims 2 without provocation. But the house is now finished and the computer problems seem to be resolved, so now at last the adventures of the Gashlycrumbs can continue.
A brief refresher, since the last update was so long ago:
- Vlad grew up and moved out
- Usaggie was born
- Varney made a bunch of potty training faces
- Whisper found true love with the most appropriate possible person.
Usaggie: While it is true that I was only just born, even I can tell that there is something not quite right about you, sir.
Whisper: Aww, whosa little cutie? Who is? Who's Uncle Whisper's little cutie? 8D
You mean great-uncle Whisper.
Ugh do you know what that is. It is poop. Yes, although it looks like cans and boxes, it is, in fact, POOP. Because some asshole was emptying the poop receptacle and dropped its contents on the floor and just went about their fucking day. You 'crumbs disgust me.
Whisper: Well, don't look at me. I've been hanging out with my new niece all day.
Usaggie: And I was only just born, so I still poop in my pants.
Plantish: Hmm
Baby: I have become the star I was always meant to be.
Purple fur color for cats, eh?
SHABOOM.
Baby: I feel a disturbance in the fur.
Hmm
*deep breath* DEEP WITHIN THE WOMB OF TIME,
A CREATURE THUS BE BORN
THE SEED OF LIFE IS UNITED WITH
THE EGG OF TYRANNY
GESTATES FORTH FROM WITHIN THE WOMB OF LIFE
FOR THREE-QUARTER AND NIGH A YEAR
THE CREATURE THUS BE BORN!
THE CREATURE THUS BE FORMED!
Una: You coulda just sang 'Happy Birthday'...
You think I can afford those royalties? What do you think this is, some kind of fantasy land where I have money?
But wow though, are you a little cutie or what 8D
Una: Thank you. I've no doubt yours is only the first of many an adulation I will field throughout my exalted lifetime.
Trashhandler O'Spectral: Fuck that Whisper, though, seriously.
Didn't he create you?
Trashhandler O'Spectral: That is the great tragedy of my life.
Oh crap, I didn't get you a spirit journey formation anniversary present, Una! Whaddaya want?
Una: I dunno, some kind of game, I guess?
IT SHALL BE SO.
Una: A knife-throwing target! Oh Overlord, you DO listen! 8D
I also bought them a bar.
Varney: Hey, who bets me I can't chug this entire bottle of Stoli? Anyone? Watch me chug this whole bottle, you guys!
I would think perhaps your liver will bet you that you can't, and possibly also your esophagus.
Then, while plastered, Varney magicked up a food and it was a platter of TV dinners. I. I did not know that this was a thing that could happen. Everyone who took one received an invisible TV dinner on a plate because, again, I didn't know that this could happen.
Alien Friend: Want to play co-op Left 4 Dead?
Una: Naw. I want to read this treatise on cannibalism throughout the ages.
Way to go out of your way to fuck in a bed not your own, Varney and Alien Friend! Top-shelf behavior. A+.
Varney: Ours was taken.
...oh. I see. 8|
Una: Can you not? Still trying to read, here.
Whisper: No, I must bounce.
Una: So many sweetbreads to harvest and cook. So little time.
You are eight, Unabal Lecter!
Impeccable.
Winnie: Hmm
Well, Una did acquire nine cooking points from that cannibalism book, so...
Una's peers, however, are leery of the suggestion that they kill and cook the principal.
Meanwhile, Pasty McShowoff conjures a perfect baked Alaska.
Whisper: Magnifique.
Hobby chairperson: Come hang out with us, you can art good enough.
Whisper: Huh, really? This is a change. Usually I'm being banned from places.
Usaggie: NEAAAR— FAAAR— WHEREEEEEVER YOU ARE
Okay, I'm just gonna say it: that metaphor is high as shit.
What with the long flowing hair, the blue sparkles, and the wand-like objects appearing out of nowhere above his head, Whisper is one gender shift away from being a magical girl.
Winnie: Your Celine cover was glorious! Got anything else in the works?
Usaggie: Oh, yeah, lots! Nothing that's quite ready to be heard yet, but stay tuned.
Usaggie: The hell you say?
WHEN THE HEAVENS OPEN UP
AND DRINK FROM THE SILVER CUP
THE CREATURE THUS BE BORN
AND BLOW THE MAGIC HORN
Usaggie: Oh
Gamer girl interlude~
Now back to Usaggie!
Usaggie: Blrrrrrrrr
Who is cute as fuck if you ask me (when she's not zombie-ing out in the bathroom)!
Usaggie: Wow this game is amazing
Sisterrrrrs, sisterrrrrs, there were never such devoted sisterrrrrs
Whisper: NYARRK
Usaggie: Wow, and then Almond said she wanted you to what?
Whisper: This window is looking so grimy. Better call an O'Spectral up here to take care of it.
Alien Friend: the safe word is 'butterscotch'
Alien Friend: Alternately, if things get too heated and we can't remember 'butterscotch', we default to our usual practice of yelling out titles of Bond movies. Okay?
Varney: Okay!
Whisper: gosh how dirty this window is
Winnie: Good evening, Wang!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
azaya: *cackles like a banshee*
Wang: I WILL RUIN THIS HOUSE WITH MY ANGER
woW RUDE
Alien Friend got a new hair and this is it, this is the one, the forever hair.
Una: *stares into the middle distance*
Varney: Aw yeah, cue ball. I'm gonna hit you so hard, your grandballdren will be feeling it.
Also, my drink default is cute
Hello Kitty Phone: *lurks*
Varney: GAMES >8D
Hobby chairperson: Holy shit ok yes you are in the game club, we need brave pioneers like you
Whisper: Look, I didn't burn the nourishment!
Then it was time for a new house 8D
You can see pictures of the details on my simblr, if you're interested! They have their own tag and everything. For convenience! (Mostly mine, cuz I like to look at my own pictures, like some kind of weirdo.)
Baby: Whoa, what the? When did I step in grape juice? How drunk was I?
~atmospheric~
Whisper: :D
Alien Friend: >8D
Use Inaccessible Beds is a goddamn miracle worker
Plantish: buuuuUUUUUURRRRP
Well, there goes the new house smell.
Varney: Witch in the streets, demon between the sheets
Alien Friend: eeee titter it's so tru
Bitch, you delivered the paper. Are you lost?
Varney got a makeover because she is my beautiful witchxcore princess (and cuz that hair is perfect on her)
Are you sure Alien Friend is thinking about music and not about going on a rampage with those matches
because I am not
Una: What? No. Nooo. You couldn't possibly get a hamburger that big in your mouth. It's physically unpossible.
Usaggie: I can and I will. I dreamed of it. It was called the Armeatgeddon. The Burger of the Damned. One day I shall create it, and devour it, and then I shall rule legions.
Winnie: You know what we haven't had in a good long while? A nice baked Alaska.
Whisper: are you fucking for real
Winnie: Yes, what could be nicer than a good baked Alaska?
Plantish: Well, this invisible water glass holds up pretty well.
Winnie: And a dash of turmeric...
Plantish: Sure, I guess if you're going for a classic baked Alaska.
Winnie: Haha, where did this come from?
Alien Friend: oh that's mine can you hold it for me
Winnie: Look! The most glorious baked good ever!
Plantish: Good God, but that's a fine vintage of tap water.
Una: I don't like to brag, but I shit in the toilet all. The. Time.
Winnie: Wow, that takes away the old appetite.
Alien Friend: Hey guys, what'd I miss?
Whisper: Well, first we couldn't figure out how to sit down for two hours until Overlord realized that the chairs weren't positioned properly and fixed them for us, and now Una's telling us a poop story.
Alien Friend: Copacetic.
Una: Seriously. So good at pooping.
Plantish: Blrrrrrrrr
NO, YOU'LL EAT ICE CREAM AND LIKE IT.
Alien Friend: Well, Una, if you really want a salad, Mommy will make you one. Just pass that ice cream over here...
Varney: Wait. This is ice cream? I thought it was a portion of genuine Alaskan snow, sugared and carefully baked.
...no, sweetie. No.
Whisper: Congratulations on becoming a grandmother!
Usaggie: I think there's been a mistake
Usaggie wanted to build charisma, and the only way kids can do that is the putt-putt golf course, the podium, or the education reward bookcase (I think). So I put in this custom podium for her, and I noticed she could ask Whisper to help her with it, which was weird because I didn't remember him ever building charisma.
One point. He has one point.
Una: can I have a turn
I decorated Varney and Alien Friend's bedroom just like their bedroom at the old house.
Including the very same unfortunate skeleton, brought along in Varney's inventory.
Unfortunate Skeleton: You have no pity
Plantish: *sows xir wild oats hur hur hur*
No, I'm kidding. They're just strawberries.
Baby: *lives fucking large*
Una: Ughhh, fine. If I can't have a turn I guess I'll just read this cookbook.
Usaggie: That brings me to my next talking point: cooking is for nerds.
Alien Friend: You can't see my diary, right?
Varney: I cannot, honey daffodil, as I am looking in the complete opposite direction.
thEN THEY WENT AND BONED ON PLANTISH'S SUN COUCH, LIKE A PACK OF ANIMALS.
Plantish: Welp, no saving that couch.
Baby: Don't even THINK about using this one. It's MINE.
Plantish: Fuck. ...At least I can see Winnie from here. OwO
And now to get three hours of sleep before work, because I am a cabbage that makes bad decisions 8D
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also wang wolf lol. the pack leaders always have the most ridiculous names. i had one once called creeper and i giggled at that for days but that is nowhere near as funny as wang.
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wow i think creeper might beat wang tbh that is the funniest fucking name and toTALLY APPROPRIATE IN MY EXPERIENCE, what with the way the fucking LotPs just wander the damn into the house and tear up the furniture and shit.