Gashlycrumb: 5.2

[azaya]

Hello once again individuals! It's time for the next installment of the continuing adventures of the Gashlycrumbs, on their quest to prove that even complete idiots can make it at least ten generations.


Wallace: HECK YEAH, IT'S WALLACE IN THE BLOUSE


That's better, don't you think?

Wallace: Yeah! That blouse was cute, but not really me, if you know what I mean.


Wallace: I'm ready to take on the world! I can't wait.

The only world you're taking on is the sim bin, but I admire your exuberance!


Wavy O'Spectral: Hey. Could you leave? I gotta scrub me some toilets.

Whisper: Yeah, sorry, I just need to grab the Ben-Gay. My fappin' hand is sore.


Who the heck are you two? You don't live here. Get off our lawn and roundabout, respectively.


Whisper: Daaaamn, now that's one mean mother of a bowel movement. I'm glad I'm not the one who has to clean that up.


Quitter O'Spectral: I'm sure as hell not doing it.


Theda: I'm just saying it couldn't hurt to spice things up a little. It's been ages since we hooked those handcuffs up to the headboard, you know?

Whothefuckareyou Youdontlivehere: This picture is fascinating.


Getthefuck Offourproperty: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Velvet: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Velvet: Look, as long as you're here breathing our air and eavesdropping on my grandmas, you can make yourself useful and get me some damn dinner.

Doesn't Live Here Even A Little: Sounds fair!


Velvet: While I'm waiting, perhaps an appetizer...


Victor: Heh. She's going to regret that, I can say from experience.


Seriously, GET THE FUCK OUT, YOU CREEP

Creep:

Creep:

Creep: I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now


Creep: I can't believe how late it is. I should be getting home

NO ONE ASKED YOU TO STAY


Whisper: *sneaks out in fucking style*


Theda: Dear diary, today I saw a gnome! It was cool, more later XOXO Theda.


The Sims 2: A School Bus will arrive for Whisper in about an hour.

Whisper: Nope


Victor: Goddamn, something smells awful!


Victor: OH GOD, IT'S US


Xena: Ew. I can't imagine what my daughter sees in you physically. You're about as attractive as a pile of racoon poop.

Tish: Whatever, you old tortoise. I have three BFFs. Do you?


Xena: Lookin' good, wall old pal! Sometime we should throw down, nudity-style.


The Sims 2: Whisper lost a grade by missing school today.

Whisper:

Whisper:

Whisper: I came out to have a good time and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now


Hey, Tish. Are you familiar with the story of Sisyphus?

Tish: That mythological king who was punished by having to roll a boulder to the top of a huge hill over and over because as soon as he reached the top it would fall back down? Yeah. Why do you ask?

No reason.


Theda: Everyone's feeling attacked lately. I worry that it's my fault, somehow.


Hey, Victor, it's time for your birthday.

Victor: Just a sec! I want to get one more good splash in before I have to give up toilet spelunking forever.


Victor: So this is childhood, eh? I'm not impressed.


Velvet: Speak for yourself, Captain Impossible Standards. We can make our own food now!


Heya, Alien Friend. Looking wistfully at the house you could've married into, eh?

Alien Friend: How many times do I have to tell you my name is Allie?


Whisper: Wheee!




Whisper: Wheee!




Whisper: WHEEEEEE!


Gosh, Winnie is pretty. Good job, Gashlycrumbs!


Tish: PAINTBRUSH

Whisper: Are you feeling all right?


Whisper: Three a.m. is the right time to grill burgers.

You know, I'm not even gonna argue. I've cooked weirder shit at three in the morning.


Admittedly, not usually enough to feed my whole family.


Velvet: Scrub, scrub, scrubbity scrub!


Velvet: Ew, someone who doesn't live here was using our roundabout. I can tell. I have ways.

Victor: Ugh, the peasants.


Velvet: SOB I JUST CAN'T LIVE KNOWING A STRANGER TOUCHED SOMETHING OF MIIIINE

Victor: It's okay, Velvet! I'll hunt them down like a dog, I promise! I promise!


Velvet: Yay for the certainty of retributionnnnn!


Whisper: I have developed a skill!


Theda: It's snowing again, isn't it. I don't like snow. I don't trust it. It's got something to prove, and that makes me nervous.


The Sims 2: You jerks need to get your asses to school

Whisper:

Victor:

Velvet:

The kids: We came out to have a good time, and we are honestly feeling so attacked right now.


Whisper: Zzzz... fuck the obstacle course... zzzzzzzz...


Theda: You're looking radiant, sweetie! How're you feeling?

Winnie: Not too bad! My back hurts, but what can you expect, I'm expecting.

Y...you are? You're pregnant? Shit, Winnie's pregnant and I totally didn't notice and I knew that, of course I knew that! fuck


Winnie: I'm knocked up. :D

Tish: Psh, I knew that. I totally knew that. Unlike some people.

You shut your whore mouth


Tish: What say I put on my robe and wizard hat one more time before the birthing?

Winnie: I say hell yes.


Winnie: glub glub glub


Winnie: I am about to a birth


Winnie: I have did a birth!


And here's Varney!


Winnie: I just had a baby.

Tish: I know, you did awesome!


Varney: Wow, alien head, you weren't kidding when you said you could teach me to bend the laws of time and space!

Alien head: THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING, SMALL HUMAN. THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING


Xena: Ahhh, smell that fresh outdoors air!

Theda: This tree looks like it has a texture. Should I touch it? I think I should touch it.


NO, CREEP. NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU. ESPECIALLY NOT ONE OF THE SMALL CHILDREN. YOU CREEP.


Velvet: Doot doot'n doot, makin' the bed.


Varney: I tire of your secretive nature, alien head. Tell me what I want to know, or suffer the consequences: I will fart on you.


Tish: Hey.

Velvet: Hey.

Tish: So... you like Game of Thrones?

Velvet: Sure, it's okay.

Tish: Great. One successful interaction with spawn down, two to go...


Victor: Oh no, diary! What if Whisper sees what I wrote in you? That would be terrible!

Sweetie, I'm not entirely sure Whisper can even read, so I think you're in the clear.


Theda: Hey, hot stuff. Guess what's on my mind.




Tish: |D


Whisper: One a.m.? What am I supposed to do until then?


Not fix the bathtub, apparently.


Does every teenager in this township have parents who own a limo service or something? Christ


Winnie: I could've sworn I put a bottle of vodka in here to chill. Have you seen it, Mom?

Theda: What? Vodka? Nooooo, I sure haven't!




Whisper: ...then we booked it back to the limo before the cops could catch up. There was shaving cream everywhere!

Theda: Oh, Whisper! You're a fucking card.


Winnie: NO


Winnie: UGH, WHY


Winnie: Not worth it :(

This is pretty much exactly how it goes when I try to exercise, too!


Whisper: I've taken an interest in balls. I'd like to pursue this.

Tish: Follow your star, kid!


Xena and Theda: *cuddle, schmoop, giggle, romance*

Butterflies: Gross, man. Gag.


Victor: HAHA AHHHHH

Whisper: So, yeah, are we bonding yet?


Whisper: Yeah, we're totally bonding!

Victor: I'M GONNA PUKE EVERYWHERE 8D


Velvet: Strange. My brother-sense is tingling. That shitforfuck better not be having fun without me.


Whisper: FUCK YEAH, ADULTERY

You... you mean adulthood, don't you?

Whisper: WHAT'D I SAY


Whisper: FUCK YEAH, CARTWHEELS


Velvet: I don't care for how much time Victor's been spending with Whisper. Nothing a little arsenic can't take care of, though. Hey, Overlord, have you seen Whisper?

No. No, I have not. D8


Winnie and Tish: *giggle, fawn, smoosh*

Whisper: ONCE I ROSE ABOVE THE NOISE AND CONFUSION, JUST TO GET A GLIMPSE BEYOND THIS ILLUSION

Theda: i was soaring ever higher but i flew too hiiigh


Winnie: *inappropriate dinner conversation relating to handcuffs, bondage, and body parts*

Whisper: Man, this is some viciously good pie.

Velvet: Shut up, I can't hear Mom.


Theda: You're not really making the bed over that wrinkly sheet, are you? Tell me you're not doing that.

Tish: I swear to Mephala, if you keep trying to backseat make this bed, I will clobber you with a baseball bat.






POTTY TRAINING FAAAACE


[potty training face intensifies]


I expanded the upstairs in the interests of giving the 'crumbs more stuff to do, which basically boiled down to 'pool table'.




Whisper: *THRUSTS OUT CHEST MANFULLY*




Winnie: Wow! Has this always been here? Be honest!


Whisper: My Sherlockian powers of observation suggest that this is new, based on the fact that I don't remember this room being so big yesterday.


Winnie: Wow. That is EXTREMELY IMPRESSIVE. O__O


Whisper: What can I say, I'm an impressive dude.


Here's how the house is looking these days. That detached part in the back is going to be Xena and Theda's new digs if they're still alive when one of their grandkids reaches adulthood and becomes heir.


Tish: wat dis


Whisper: Man, you have great hands. I'd kill for hands like this. ...You know what? Don't go anywhere for a minute. I'm gonna go get my chainsaw.

Winnie: Hah, that's funny!

Whisper: Yeah... funny...

CLIFFHANGER. Except not, because there's no chainsaws in the sims. Bye! 8D