Gashlycrumb: 4.3

[azaya]

My goodness, it has been awhile! Times have passed.


Last time, Wallace was born. I guess he and I both really wanted you to be aware of that!

Wallace: Holla.


Drawing ever nearer to adulthood and crushing responsibility cannot threaten Winnie away from her beloved pirate ship. Godspeed, little pop tart.


No, Burglar McDouchehead. Winnie is not available. In fact, no one in this universe is available. Not a single one of us has time for your thieving buttdouchery.


Xena: WINNIE, COME SIT DOWN AND LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HOUSE OF CARDS

Winnie: Naw, that's okay. I have to go over here and do anything else.


Winnie: Like check out my fine chest balloons in this mirror.


Theda: *witchcrafts*


Elspeth: DOVAHKIIN DOVAHKIIN NAAL OK ZIN LOS VAHRIIN WAH DEIN VOKUL MAHFAERAAK AHST VAL


Wanda had herself a birthday. She's very cute, but hasn't particularly distinguished herself to me. To her credit, though, she's always aged up into bangin' outfits.


Wallace: BUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRP


Xena: Lying out under the stars, all alone! So romantic.

Theda: It would be.


Xena: What! Who peed? Not me! It was most definitely, completely, assuredly not me.


Xena: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!




So right after this, Xena had her latest crotchfruit.


Xena: Whoa! What? Did this one come out of me? Come on. COME ON.


Practically everyone: Everliving fuck, what the?

Theda: lol


Everyone give a hale and hearty hello to the tragically unattractive and hilariously pasty Whisper!


Wallace's popup: Responsibility and trying hard and believing in yourself!

Wallace: Nope!

Seriously, I think he's even flunking recess.




Xena: Ho there, madam, I am in dire need of a pair of fur-lined handcuffs. Perchance might you know where such an item might be procured?

Sabrina: I dunno. Try Fucknuckle's, down the road?


My sims all seem to be fond of red hands. That makes sense, I guess. Growing up my sister and I always treasured games in which we got to hit each other too.


Whisper Gashlycrumb, brain trust.


I decided the Gashlycrumbs had been layabouts of leisure long enough, so I put in some beehives. They're going to be gentleman honey farmers now.


Wallace: BOO! ...Actually, wait. You look like a ghost. Maybe 'boo' isn't the right path to take here.


I don't understand why he's so paper-white, Theda. You're blue.


Xena: Oh my glob, Overlord, you can't just ask people why their sons are white!


In grand Gashlycrumb tradition, Elspeth kicked it and I didn't notice! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha. ._.


Whisper: Oh, hell yes it's my birthday! You can't even imagine the pasty schemes and blindingly pale plots I'm gonna pull off with my newly acquired dexterity.


All joking aside, his features are just so unfortunate. I tried putting some blush on him, but I think that made it worse.


I dunno what happened. Everyone else is pretty decent-looking! I guess Xena and Theda's features just don't mesh well on a DMAB sim.


Poor little glowworm.


Winnie: Arr, I be sick of bein' marooned on this desert island!


Winnie: To civilization! Swim for it, lads!


After Winnie found her way back to civilization, she also found her way to a cute new friend, Tish McCrystal. Tish's family has the distinction of being one of the only playable families in Afterwards that isn't also the star of a legacy.


I think there was some more leadup to their romance but apparently I forgot to cap it and these pictures are from last October, so I don't really remember. Maybe Winnie did just pop out of nowhere and plant one on Tish. They're triple bolters, so it's not impossible.


Winnie: I just met the cutest femme, dude. You're gonna be so jell-o when you meet xir. Lime green jell-o.

Wanda: I'm already jell-o that you get any attention from the Overlord at all, to be honest.

Aww. :( Sorry Wanda! You're cute and all, you just kind of... don't do anything, ever.


Wanda: Well, at least I'm cute and all.

You sure are, buttercup!


Winnie: S-SO THIS IS WHAT BEING ON TOP OF THE WORLD F-F-FEELS LIIIIIIKE ;~;


Does knowing you're hands-down heir make you feel any better, sugarlump?

Winnie: *sniff* Yeah :'>


Mate-hunting at The Paradise, because I guess I forgot about Tish or something? Whatever, no harm was done cuz there was no one interesting there. Also, Winnie looks bangin'.


Yusef: Please don't take me away, Death! I can offer you certain favors. Certain oral favors. Certain oral sexual favors, if you take my meaning.

Death: *did not accept the favors*


Theda: DING DONG, THE DICK IS DEAD

Theda Fritter, master of tact and sympathy


Another grand tradition in my game: birthdays coinciding with deaths. Here's teen Wallace, who's growing up into a hot little potato.


Heir bedroom, all made over for Winnie. You might have seen these on my simblr back in, again, October. Because this is how much lag there tends to be between when I play an update and when I post an update. The long-suffering skeleton is, of course, in attendance.






Winnie: Ahoy there, me mateys! Were ye thinking adulthood would keep me from my life's work, plundering booty? Perish the thought, cowardly dogs! We lift anchor with the tide!


Winnie: SWIM, YE SAD BASTARDS! SWIM! THE KRAKEN COMES!

that's what he said


And back to Tish! Winnie's outfit changes a lot from here on out.


Well, fine then, miss clingypants.

Winnie: Listen, I just know what's expected of me, all right? And I know a good thing when I see one, all right?

Shagadelic, baby.


Tish is a cutie pie, and also second generation! So xe's got recessive genetics and everything.


Winnie: SQUEAK

Giant museum lawn diver: *is impassive*


The very public bench at the very public pool: it's for fucking.


So this would be awkward enough, but it's extra awkward, because that spectator is one of Tish's moms.


Marian McCrystal: Holla.


Winnie: Be my spouse?

Tish: I'MA BE YOUR SPOUSE 8D


Winnie and Tish: Community pool, whence blossomed our engagement, we salute you!


Wallace: I... even flunked Lunch? How do you flunk LUNCH?!

I imagine your near-pathological aversion to going to school before noon doesn't help.


Winnie: So this is my bedroom, baby. Pretty swank, eh?

Tish: Very well, I am impressed. Let me just shuck these panties off.


Jeez, kid. I should've really called you Voldemort. Too bad you weren't born next generation.


Theda: Look at you, Wanda! Always so on top of your schoolwork. You make a mom proud.

Wallace: I am feeling very purposefully excluded.

Maybe try doing your homework even just once?

Wallace: Look, I am not the problem, okay?


Wanda: No, I know what they're doing in there. I do. I'm just rooted to the floor in terror.


How's that homework coming, champ?

Wallace: NO TIME, MAN! WE'RE HOT ON THE TRAIL OF THE GREAT WHITE WHALE.

Don't make fun of Whisper, he can't help his unlikely skin tone!


See what I mean about Wanda aging into good outfits? I don't even need to do anything to that.


I did anyway, though, so Wanda could be all fancy for her long trip to the sim bin.


Bye babe! Be good! Live long which you will for sure since you're going to the bin!


Tish and Winnie: *giggle, smoosh*

Whisper: Look, I TOLD you, I'm an alien! That's why my skin's like this! It's alien skin! Because our one mom is an alien!

Wallace: I'm not convinced. Are you sure you're not just really, really pasty? Have you tried going outside?


Tish: Yay, I'm official!


Winnie: I'M SO HAPPY

Is that what that face is


Winnie: I'M GETTING MARRIED, WHISPER! OH HAPPY DAY

Whisper: It's night tiYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII


Tish: Hey baby, whatcha doin?

Whisper: PLEASE HELP


Wallace: Just a simple 'yarr' this time, I think. Just a simple 'yarr'.


Next morning, the wedding party. We use the term 'party' loosely.


Half-hidden townie, please sit down. You're ruining the gravity of the moment.

Half-hidden townie who is ruining the gravity of the moment: No.






I guess I decided I needed pictures of their wedding faces? I don't know? I decide a lot of things.


Winnie: I've been waiting all morning to say this. Baby, your bust looks fantastic in that dress. Just fantastic.


Theda: Well, this is awkward.

Your daughter's remark about her new spouse's shirt fillers, or the fact that you're seated next to your ex-fiancee?

Theda: Both :[


Whisper: Can I have this beer?

Only because you're not a real child.

Whisper: Yessss. Real children got nothin' on me.


Xena: Someday, baby, we're gonna have a big house all our own with no parents, no kids, and no pets around to demand our attention. It'll be just you and me in old lady bliss.

Theda: That sounds heavenly. :')


Tish: This is the right way to carry suitcases!


Tish: I withdraw my previous assertion.

Winnie: Where the fuck are we?

On your honeymoon, of course! Enjoy a weekend on fucking werewolf island. 8D

Which we will see soon! Hopefully sooner than we saw this update.