Gashlycrumb: 4.2

[azaya]

Omg Azaya no why would you


Elspeth: Whatcha painting? Is it me? You should paint me. I could pose. I won't even get dressed first!

Theda: Ohh, wow. Um. Rain check?


While that alarming proposition was made, Wanda was born! Look at that precious face. Incidentally, I swear eventually there will be some 'crumbs that aren't ginger as shit.


Xavier: I don't understand why I've been cursed with this hideous acne.


I dunno, man, when was the last time you bathed?

Xavier: Poor hygiene? No, no, it can't be that, I took a bath two months ago... I must have angered a witch.

(it's funny cuz he totally did)


Winnie: A new addition to the family? I suppose that's okay, for now.


Xena: Seriously, dude, just go take a shower. The zits will clear up right away.

Xavier: YOU'RE NOT MY MOM


Xavier: O fickle and demanding gods of clear skin, I offer this trifle to you in the hopes of receiving your benevolence. Amen.


Xena: Thank god I'm not his mom.


Yusef: Thank god I'm not either!

You know you are his dad, though, right?


The gods of clear skin have yet to favor you, eh?

Xavier: Clearly I didn't propitiate them with a big enough offering. But I'm on my way to take care of that riiiight now.

D8 YOU PUT HER DOWN RIGHT THIS MOMENT


Xavier: Okay, but only so I can help Wanda learn to shit.


Elspeth: Holy helicopters, I am so fucking lonely. Better go spill my sorrows to the piano.


Elspeth: I can never be lonely in the presence of my personalized jizz tornado.


Yusef: Hey there, honeypants! Loving your performance. Could you maybe keep it down while I transcribe our set of encyclopedias into my diary, though?

Elspeth: No.


Like any good legacy couple, Xena and Theda are hard at work making more kids while ignoring the ones they have.


Yusef: It's okay, I've got Winnie!

I think the ceiling is about to get Winnie.


I made a new room for the kiddos, mostly cuz I really wanted to use the hanging crib. The runner-up reason is that we're running out of space downstairs.


Elspeth: I'm so hungry. Eating this putrid sandwich seems like a really good idea.


How'd that sandwich do you?

Elspeth: I shunned it in favor of this Mystery Drink.

Good choice.




Elspeth: Congrats on popping your cherry, cutie!

Theda: Please don't touch my arm like that.


Winnie: I AM STINK-RIDDEN AND MY MOTHER IS MADE UNCOMFORTABLE BY UNWANTED ADVANCES WAIL


Winnie: AVAST, I AM FREE TO CLEAN MYSELF AND DEFEND MOM SHOULD THE NEED ARISE


Winnie: Yarrr.


Look at her chunky little cheeks. Cuuute!


Xena: AMAZING! How does your skirt defy gravity like that?


An embarrassment of riches


Winnie: YARRR, I say!


Elspeth: So, should I pose now?

Look, I changed her outfit to 'not Tomato's'!


I hope Winnie's not going to be like Xavier, spending her whole childhood on the merry-go-round and age up to teen in a miasma of regret and vomit.


Theda: Hi.

Elspeth: Omg hi. Hi. Are you ready for me? Should I pose now?


Xena: Aw, yeah, gonna break me off a little piece of that sweet thing.


Elspeth: No, no, we're very happy with our cable package. Please don't call again, I'm trying to set up a very delicate operation.


SCREAMS.

Theda, no. NO. Do not encourage. We don't need more Almonds in this town!


Xena: im pragnent


Wuh... welcome home, Xavier. Had a good day? Was it show and tell or something?




This is still going on, I'm pleased to report.


Xavier: You're not Theda.




After playing for hours on the roundabout, Winnie valiantly managed to contain her puke long enough to run into the house, dart up the stairs, and throw up right next to her parents' bed.


Xavier: OH GOD NO


Winnie: For a third time, yarrr.


Winnie: Look out, it's the ickle tickle machine!

Wanda: Yeeee!


Wanda: Look at this kickin' bathrobe. I'm just awash with style, I am.


Xavier: Look at this magnificent hunk of man. I'm just awash with pheromones, I am.


Elspeth: Oh... uh... that's not right.


Xena: This is, though.


Xena: *stands guard*


Xavier: HE-HELL YES! Look at me, all gloriously grown up, only slightly sunburned.


Xavier: Wait... there's nothing glorious about being an adult. I WAS FOOLED! It must have been that dastardly piano. I must destroy it.


Xavier: BLIBBITY BLOBBITY BLEEP BOOP


Wanda: Well, this is certainly educational.


Xavier: MONEY, MONEY. MONEY??? MONEY MONEY. MONEY? MONEY!!

On an unrelated note, he aged into a perfectly serviceable outfit! I love default replacements.


Xavier: Please help me. That is my one and only wish. Just... HELP... ME.

Genie Midlock: I really need you to be more specific, bub.


Xavier: I'm feeling better.

Glad to hear it, tatertot!


Xavier: And I'm out.


Wanda: BUT HOW WILL UNCLE XAVIER MAKE IT IN THE WIDE, WIDE WORLD ALOOOOOOONE

He'll be fine, sweetie! There's no acne where he's going.


Xena: *waddles serenely past*


Knut: I guess you'll be meeting a new family member, soon!

Elspeth: Who let you in here?


Elspeth: Aw, yeah. That's the shit.


Hairgel McStandupcollar: Knut and I are leaving, since it's so late and way past his bedtime.

Fine! Except you're not his dad, you've never met him, and neither of you were invited in the first place.


Winnie: I'm so relieved the creepy strangers are gone, Mommy! Let's hug to celebrate!


Xena: *lurks*


Wanda: MOM! MOM, I LEARNED HOW TO CLEAN THE TOILETS! WOW, WHAT A RED-LETTER DAY THIS IS!

Xena: ow, my innards


Heya, Wallace!


Elspeth: Whoo, girrrrrl, you are looking FINE in that trench coat.




Elspeth: *cautiously farts into the room*


Elspeth: My, it's so quiet and peaceful in this direction!

Yusef: I'M SORRY THEDA I'M SORRY AHHHH I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE WICKER MAN


Yusef: Outran the bees at last!

I forget what he did to piss her off, but Yusef and Theda have a really volatile relationship, which you had no way of knowing because I apparently never capped any of it.


Elspeth: Hey, good job giving it up to my daughter!

Theda: She actually wasn't— er, thanks, I guess.


Winnie: And yarrr once more, with feeling!


Theda: What?

Elspeth: Oh, nothing. Just enjoying the view.

Theda: Please go away.

Elspeth: In a minute.


Theda: How long has it been since we waltzed?

Xena: Oh, Theda... hours!


Yusef: Do I know you? How did you get in here?


Wanda: Wheeee!

Winnie: ROCK AND ROLL


Winnie: Happy birthday to me.


Elspeth: Have you ever read Fifty Shades of Grey? Because if you haven't, you really should. It'll change your life.

Theda: Please go away. Please.


Birthday aside, the roundabout party goes on basically uninterrupted.


I really thought the Gashlycrumbs might have escaped the mother-in-law curse from the Fritters. That was naive of me.


Seriously, Elspeth, what happened to you? Near the end of your adulthood you just kind of took a sharp right turn into lunacy.

Elspeth: Goochie goochie goo, Wallace! Goochie goo!


I dunno. Elspeth's clearly still into Yusef, so whatever I guess!


How do you keep coming back, same criminal as always? Is the jail made of paper? Is this an example of the justice system failing us? Or is it because the game only generates one of you? It is a mystery.


Xena: I cooked a food.


Elspeth: Your wife is a shining purple and periwinkle jewel. I hope you know that.

Xena: Yeah, she's pretty dope.


Wallace: *happily gums on fingers*


Theda: Man, those look great. Can I touch one? Can I?

Xena: My boobs are at your service, milady.


Elspeth: After you're done with that, can I touch yours?


Winnie: This is the perfect place to take a nap.


Xena: I can't put my finger on it exactly, but something about Mom is just kind of bugging me lately.

I can't imagine why.


THE TIME DRAWS NIGH.