Gashlycrumb: 3.1

[azaya]

Wow, such update. Very Gashly. Many crumbs.

When we left off, Yusef dug up the treasure chest of heirhood (literally and figuratively! Ahh, we have fun), tried to find a mate, and failed, like battalions of legacy heirs before him. But he's not allowed to retreat with any amount of dignity intact, because this is, after all, a legacy.


Yusef: Can you keep a secret? ...I am amazing at jump rope. Amazing.

Elspeth: GASP.


Yusef: Aw heck, this gift is too precious to keep secret!


At last, Tomato can use another technique she'll never use, ever.


Yusef's bedroom. It is decorated in a superb example of 'why does anyone let Azaya decorate anything' style.


The X-ray lamp looks pretty sweet, though. Don't even pretend you don't think so.


Yusef: Who cares if I can't find a partner? I have all the grilled cheese I could possibly want! Life is sweet. No, life is savory. Cheesy and savory.

Yancy: I can't wait to grow up and spend my adult life being not you.


Despite her earlier distaste for Yusef's grilled cheese-focused discourse, Elspeth seems to be the spousal candidate with the best qualities, i.e., willing to spend time with Yusef at all.


Yusef: I love the way you don't hang up when I call you!


Yancy: Uh, oh. Run, lady— he thinks you're a grilled cheese sandwich.


Elspeth: Yeah, about that... you are trying to kiss me, and not eat me, right? It's just that your mouth is open so wide and you use your teeth so much.

Yusef: Um... yes!


Elspeth: All right, I am sufficiently reassured. Let's open a joint savings account!


Yusef: A neon flamingo would really tie this whole room together. And then I could look at it while I'm following Elspeth around! Perfection.


Elspeth in new lipstick. Spoiler: I never find one I like on her, ever.


Yancy paints beautiful dreamlands where no one mistakes anyone else for grilled cheese


Elspeth: I really like Yusef a lot, but he needs to work on his kissing. It's embarrassing, really.

Zillah: Hmm. You don't brush your teeth with melted cheese, do you? It could be confusing him.


Elspeth: Why the blistering hell would I do that? You're not exactly a brain surgeon, are you?

Zillah: What? Who said that? The time I cut that customer's scalp open was an accident. They were new scissors!




Behold, a Gashlycrumb heir in his native environment, struggling bravely to have a thought


Are. Are you guys okay there?

Elspeth: WE'RE FINE LEAVE US ALONE


I have got to stop putting chairs by beds

Tomato: Please do not


Then Tomato valiantly attempted to repair the dishwasher, unencumbered by a single mechanical point.


It went badly.


So badly.


But not sudden death badly! I didn't get a picture to commemorate Tomato's survival because I am a mushroom. Instead here's Yusef flirting with grilled che Elspeth in the aftermath of the incident.


Elspeth: *aggressively prepares non-grilled cheese foods*




Live Tomato: *is alive, and a pirate also*


Yusef's parents: *bracket him*


Yusef: Dear diary, grilled cheese continues to go unprepared by everyone but me. I alone understand the transcendental glory of the grilled cheese sandwich, but I stand strong in the face of this desert of ignorance. More later. XOXO Yusef.


Yancy: Hmm, the DOW is down today.

Like your grades.


Zillah: I wonder if it's too late to put the kids up for adoption.


Yusef: Congratulations on your many best friends for life!

Elspeth: Why am I not being plowed at this moment, is what I want to know.


Elspeth: Marry me?

Yusef: GASP

Elspeth: Celebratory sex, here I come


After Kriemhild's wedding in the Fritters I'm slightly gun-shy of sending people to the wedding chapel, so let's have a fancy wedding out in the fucking yard instead I guess


The resplendent guests.


Fred Fritter: So, you like hats?

Mitch Gothier: No. ++


Yorick: Boy it sure is great to be back here where I'm not heir and my dickwad brother gets to run the whole fucking show.

Fred Fritter: books


Jonathan Notfritter: 8D


Yusef: Heyyyy sexy, what're you doing after the wedding? Call me!








Yancy: Hey, Mom.

Tomato: Out the way, I got cake.


Fred Fritter thoughtfully takes care of cleanup.

Fred: It's my wedding gift to them.


I never use the fireworks, so I did


Curls McGee: Would you mind terribly if my wedding party hookup and I had some sex behind your house? It's so far to the nearest motel.

Zillah: Just be sure to put a towel down.


Yorick: No one understands me but you, invisible punch glass.


Tomato: Eyes, we have seen too much.


Mulciber: WHEEEEEE


Tomato: How's the DOW?

Zillah: Pitiful. How's the bubble bath?

Tomato: Bubbly.


Curls McGee: I just had sexxxxxx~

Jonathan Notfritter: Brag about it, why don't you.


Stellar.


Yancy: I sold a masterpiece today! It went for $24.

Tomato: Aw, I'm so proud of you, honey. By the way, if you touch my easel again, I'll shank you with a potato peeler.


Yusef: Ooh, baby, butter it.


Looks like something got buttered.


Intimacy.


Intimacy, con't.




I built a rock garden in the city in remembrance of the days when Zillah used to dig up nothing but rocks in the yard.


Zillah: Okay, let's check this shit out.


Zillah: Awesome.


Tomato: You're so cuuuuute


Zillah: It'll be nice to eat something besides grilled cheese for a change, won't it?




Elspeth: hork


New lipstick for Elspeth already.


Elspeth: And I thought I was just pukey!


Yusef demonstrates his remarkable failure to understand cause and effect.


Yancy: Get out! I have to pee.

Yusef: I'm trying, but I just can't seem to reach the door.

This happens a lot in this bathroom.


Yancy: I have to pee SO BAD.

Yusef: I feel like there's a way I could help... nope, it's gone.


Tomato: Boy, it's so peaceful in this bathroom by myself.


Yancy: Get OUT 8D

Yusef: Suddenly that seems not only possible, but prudent.


Yusef: I really like this new bathroom.


Yancy: I outfoxed you, bladder.


Elspeth had a very easy pregnancy that was too boring for documentation, culminating in Xerxes here.


Tomato: Aww, it's so tiny!


Yusef: And this is the bathroom, son. It will be the most important room in your life, short of the kitchen, because all those grilled cheeses take a toll on the old digestive system. Learn to know it. Love it. It will take care of you if you respect it.


Yancy: Wow, Elspeth, I would never know you'd had a kid from looking at you.

Elspeth: Aw, you big fooler.


I don't think I got a good picture of the new bathroom earlier but this is the new bathroom! And a bathing Elspeth, also.


Almond, it's three a.m. How did you get in?

Almond: I don't know. 8D


Yancy: Huzzah, another 'F' for 'fantastic'!


Zillah still exists and also does the hair cutting thing.


To one degree or another.


This is why I don't usually put things in the yard, at least not without a fence.


Hangers-on! This merry-go-round is not open to the public!


So I guess that happened.


Shoulder-length Curls: Whoa, is that a baby?


Yusef: Treasure chests, prepare thyself. Indiana Yusef is a-comin' for you.