Gashlycrumb: 2.3

[azaya]

I need a break from getting my game set back up, so here are some resplendent Gashlycrumbs.


So I guess we're starting in the bathroom again, because why not?


Tomato: whAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE GRILLED CHEESE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DO YOU EVEN HAVE TASTE BUDS

Yusef: Please don't shame me for my food choices.

Tomato: I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND


Matchmaker: AW YEAH FUCKERS HERE COMES THE MONEY


Spoiler: it wasn't money.


Yorick: So, uh, you're my brother, huh? I guess I should try to bond with you even though it's super weird that I'm fully grown and you're shitting your diapers. Uh... so, you watch Mad Men?

Yancy: I appreciate the effort but could you please leave? My alien masters won't give me instructions if I'm not alone.


Yusef: Whoops.


Yancy grew up, and is channeling Harry Potter.

Yancy: I am not. These glasses make me look distinguished.


A Wolf: Hey brah, how's it hanging?

Yorick: GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M DIGGING.


Zillah: Fetch!

Yusef: CATCH


All I'm saying is, for living so far out in the middle of nowhere, there's an awful lot of pipes on the Gashlycrumb property.




Pink Braid: Gosh, I wish there was nothing impeding my path so I could walk inside out of the spray.


Yancy: You know who's hot is Giratina Fiebelkorn.

You're like EIGHT


Yusef: NOOGIES! NOOGIES!

Pink Braid: So close, and yet so far.




Zillah had a birthday, making her the first old lady of the legacy.


Yancy had a heatstroke, which is much less fun.


Yusef: Awesome! I can use him to practice shot put for track and field!


Zillah: CATCH


Then Tomato had a birthday and now the both of them are creaky old ladies with splintery bones.

Tomato: Keep away. I'm a crotchety old person now.


Just let us get a look at you, okay?


Age will not prevent Tomato from pursuing her favorite pastime!


Zillah: So what can I do for you?

Charlotte Fritter: Just don't make me look worse.


Zillah: Can do!

I think, these days, that the youth of Afterwards must dare each other to go for a spin in Zillah's makeover chair.


Not everyone can escape unscathed.

Fruszina Klint: Unscathed? What are you talking about? I look AWESOME!


I think this is the most trouble I've ever had with growing a business. Oh, Zillah.




Yusef: He-hell yes, adulthood!


Oh, my. Well done, kiddo OwO


Snuggle interlude~


So I decided Yancy's out of the heir running because I didn't want to wait for him to grow up. That still left me with two that I couldn't choose between because I think they're both precious. What to do?


Digging contest is what.


I decided whoever digs up a treasure chest first gets to be heir.

I would come to regret this decision.


Tomato: Yeah, woohoo, go kids!


Well, it's nice that you don't play favorites between your children.

Tomato: Yeah, I'm way too old and over it to give a fuck who carries on the family name.


Seriously, I just. How many fucking pipes are there out here?


Yusef: I haTE THIS


Yorick: Ohshitohshitohshit


Yusef: Ahhh, that spray is refreshing!


Also refreshing to the weeds, evidently.


This went on for a really, really long time.


I didn't cap everything that happened because it was mostly this, ad infinitum.


Meanwhile, Yancy Potter is having a great week! At least someone is.








Day two of Operation Treasurehunt dawns with no treasure in sight.


Popup: Yancy, we should go shopping!

Yancy: Yes! I LOVE shopping! I can get some glasses polishing cloths.


Zillah: WOO YEAH BOOGIE DOWN


Zillah: *perfectly innocently critiques the bathroom art with no ulterior motive whatsoever*


Yusef took a break from Operation Treasurehunt to swing his baby brother around some more.

Yusef: Bonding!

Yancy: I'm gonna puuuuuke


But Operation Treasurehunt resumed in short order. Also, Tomato is cute.




Day three arrives with all the fanfare of a double burst pipe.


And Yusef is the first to reach a treasure chest! Though 'first' makes it sound like Yorick found one too. She did not. Jesus, it took three whole days to get here.


Three whole days and this much shit accumulated in Yusef's inventory. There's something like thirty bones alone.


Bye, Yorick! Farewell to a long and happy life in the sim bin! I'm not even going to pretend I'll be doing spare updates. If you read the Fritters, you know exactly how long I kept that going.


Yusef: Ahhh, the delicious scent of heirship.


Yusef: The delicious scent of GRILLED CHEEEEEESE

Oh, yeah. He rolled cheese primary. So much for not understanding the appeal earlier, right?


Tomato: I find it really sexy how well you can work with your hands.

Zillah: Come on over here, baby, and I'll get to work.


Yancy grew up, and traded in his glasses for slightly more flattering frames.

Yancy: Hell yeah. These glasses are so fetch.


Out on the lawn, our new heir tries to find himself a mate, no thanks to the matchmaker. She has produced Misdreavus Fiebelkorn, who is very much the heir of a different legacy and thus unavailable.


But Yusef believes! Handing over some more money, he makes a new attempt.


Matchmaker: So, yeah. You guys wear the same coat. Obviously soulmates.

Yusef: Seems legit.


Mulciber: Nope.

I guess it takes more than just matching coats.


I'm not sure how many times an heir of mine has heartfarted over Archie Pinhill. He's still married, Yusef. Extremely married.


Theda Fritter cameo~


Yusef: Can I take a crack at Mitch Gothier?

Sure, knock yourself out.

Mitch: No thanks.


Mitch: I'll just go over here.

Yusef: NO, YOU'RE WRONG. FUR-LINED HANDCUFFS ARE CREEPY AND WEIRD.

Jasmine: NO, YOU'RE WRONG AND YOU'RE A CLOSE-MINDED IDIOT.


Yusef: Man, this place is a waste of time.


Only for you, it looks like.

Let's try the cemetery. It worked for your mom.


Yusef: Okay.


Oh, yeah. That'll do it. You'll have honeys lining up to bear your children.


Yusef: I AM THE GOD OF HUMOR


Back at the house we're reminded that happy couples do, in fact, exist.


Yusef: I want what they have.

You'll get it, peach pit. ...Probably. Eventually.


Yusef: You're right! I just have to keep my chin up.

Exactly. Look at you! You're so cute. And a legacy family heir! Who could turn that down? Besides everyone you've tried to date already, of course.


Yusef tries to bury his sadness in lime-seared prawns.

Follow your star, kid.


Fred Fritter: Grilled cheese, huh?

Yusef: TAKE ME


But they weren't interested, so Yusef kept looki—

Yusef: BABE ALERT


Yusef: SO DO YOU LIKE GRILLED CHEESE?

Elspeth: EW GOD NO, GET AWAY FROM ME


Normally, it would be over at this point, but Yusef thought Elspeth was super babely.

Unfortunately for him, she left the diner before he could renew his suit.


Yusef: Hold on, it's that asshole who was already married! I have to let him know what a douche he is.

Maybe later?


Tomato: Look, I'm a Charlie's Angel!

And with that, we must adjourn. Will Yusef ever find a partner? Or even someone that can stand to talk to him for more than two minutes? It is a mystery~