azaya | Gashlycrumb: 2.2 (Reply)

The Gashlycrumb update folders are piling up, so I'm gonna try and knock a couple out quickly!

Tomato: Mm, yep. That is, with certainty, a toilet.

Yusef: Which I really need to use actually, Mom, so if you could go...

Tomato: Okay. I'll go earn a new sales technique that I will never use ever, because Offer At is perfectly suited to my needs.

Zillah: YAY!

Okay, great! Now let's see if you can keep it there for awhile. I've given up on hoping for advancement, now I just don't want the business to backslide again.

Fruszina Klint: Now, I'm trying to be reasonable, I really am. It's just that I asked you to make me look prettier and I'm pretty sure you have failed to meet that one loose requirement spectacularly, you fucking hack.

Zillah: Gosh, I suck. :<

Tomato: How dare you speak to my wife that way? By words with older bones than your own, I break your perch on this age and send you out!

But Zillah is unsinkable and keeps trying to achieve the aesthetic perfection she knows in her heart she's capable of!

Curlyhair Wearsahoodie: You're just lucky I'm a David Bowie fan, is all I'm saying.

Yusef: Heh, heh, heh. By rubbing my feet on the rug I have stored up a static charge in my finger. They shall sing songs of this day and the power I hold.

Despite the lightning bolt on her shirt, Yorick is not a fan of electricity being funneled into her body.

Yusef: Okay, but you can see how that might be confusing, right?

Yorick: OW

Yorick: SOB

Yusef: My work here is done.

Yorick: Zzzzz... murder Yusef... the blood and the screaming and the satisfaction of revenge... zzzzz...

I gave the living room a bit of a makeover to accommodate the new family members at the dinner table.

Yorick grows up, immediately unleashes a cloud of ass gas.

Yusef: Suddenly I feel respect for you! How exciting and new this feeling is.

It didn't last.

Yorick: HOW CAN YOU BE SUCH A GOOBERSHIT TO ME ON MY BIRTHDAY SOB SOB

Could we see your face for a sec though? Just one second?

Yorick: Ugh, okay. Tell me I'm pretty?

Very pretty, bb.

Confidence bolstered, Yorick then chased Yusef all over the lot tormenting him for three hours, which I allowed because the little turd kinda deserves it.

And it's not like Yusef is without recourse, after all.

I built a bar for the neighborhood and sent Yorick off to investigate it. It's called Lapse of Judgment, because that is what happens any time I put the beer keg anywhere.

Yorick: Oh, huh. A guy.

Gustav: EW A TEENAGE GIRL

Teenager that she is, Yorick almost broke down the bathroom door getting in there to examine herself in the mirror, because of course.

Yorick would have been content to spend her entire visit checking out her own goods, but since she's here for a purpose, I made her leave the bathroom and socialize.

She misunderstood 'socialize' to mean 'pick a fight with the nearest person', which is fair given her life so far.

Yorick: ...yeah, I don't really know what my sexuality is. All I know is I'm horny and I wanna rub some lamps.

Gustav: Oh yeah? Hey there babe, I got a lamp right here that needs some buffing.

No.

Beatrice: Kid, does your mom know you're at this bar alone?

Yorick: Which mom?

Then Yorick had a hit from the beer keg, smashed the cup on her forehead, and flung herself on some random bar patron for a beatdown.

It literally lasted less than five seconds.

Yorick: BAWWWWWW

Zillah: GANGWAY I GOTTA GUT FULL OF BABY

Yusef: Another sibling? Thanks for that, Mom.

But Zillah wasn't really pregnant, because I forgot to save after she got knocked up and when I reloaded the lot her uterus was clean again. Oh well, two kids is plenty.

Back from the bar, Yorick continues trying to be a bully in the least effective ways known to man.

Yorick: OH MY GOD, DAISY, DID YOU JUST FART

Daisy: I didn't even fart a little bit, you deluded snapdragon!

Daisy: Take THAT.

Yorick: You poked my clavicle! How could you do that?

Yorick: SOB SOBBBB

Tomato: Lieutenant Tomato, Sales Division, reporting for duty!

I don't think that's... okay. Sure.

Zillah: There, you look literally the same as you did before. *+silver sales badge*

Tomato: Hello—

Omri Fritter: Will you leave me alone? I'm sick and tired of being hounded by salesmen in shops! I'm browsing, all right? Browsing! At the end of it I might buy something, I might not. But you will not influence me one iota. Not one jot. Now, I'm finished with you. You may go.

Tomato: but it's a beauty parlor, is this really the appropriate place for that reference

Shhh.

Yorick: I'm just saying, stay out of my way, or I'll come down on you like a sumo wrestler.

Yusef: Sumos don't go down, they just smash into each other. Idiot.

Yorick: Like my pillow will smash into your face and stay there til you stop breathing tonight?

Yorick: Ugh, no, that was way too long and cumbersome to be an effective threat.

It's okay, bbdoll. You'll figure out how to streamline your violent promises and then the world will be your victi— oyster.

Yusef: Gasp! Oh no, what if Yorick sees my diary, my private thoughts and dreams? I'll just die of shame!

Yorick: Like I give a shit about your hopes and dreams, dickcheese.

Zillah: Earlier I thought I was pregnant but I guess it was just a dream or something, anyway want to knock me up?

Tomato: Sure.

gpoy

Tomato: Poor Yorick, she really ought to get out and meet some people. Maybe at that new bar...

Been there, crushed that.

Yorick: Good job being an unbearable brat baby!

Tomato: Aww, don't listen to your sister, you're not a baby at all. ...Good job learning to poop in the toilet, though!

Yorick: FUCK YOU SINK BEND TO MY WILL

Yorick: Huh? Sure, I remember you. You beat me up at the bar last week. ...No, I'm not really interested in a rematch. :(

Tomato: When I open my eyes, you better be far away from my easel.

Yorick and Zillah: GERALDO

Zillah: So, kid, are you like dating or whatever? What about seeing that Giratina Fiebelkorn? She's hot.

Yorick: If I concentrate really hard, maybe I can melt through the floor.

Extreme pooping

Tomato: Fireflies, why?

Well, I guess playing with a Wang is a pretty normal teenagerly desire.

Who doesn't, after all, love to stroke a Wang? Especially when he's been working so hard playing fetch.

Yorick: PSYCH!

Wang: I will have my revenge.

I guess all that playing with Wang really makes a girl thirsty

Well.

Looks like we're going to have three kids this generation after all.

Zillah: AHHH... I mean, ahh, what can I do for you?

Almond: Make me look swank. Like, really hot and sexy.

Zillah: How's this?

Almond: Perfection! Say, you wouldn't want to pop into the bathroom with me, would you?

Yorick: So like do you know Giratina Fiebelkorn? What's she like?

I think it's occupied, Almond, but nice try!

Yorick: I am watching television.

That's nice.

Meanwhile Yusef apparently maximized creativity while I wasn't looking. Good job, kiddo! I think that is the realest accomplishment we've had yet this whole legacy.

The school bus: *is coming*

The kids: *dgaf*

Zillah: Great job getting knocked up!

This again? Of course Yorick will argue for the value of old media! She loves old movies! Nosferatu changed her life!

Alas, it was the 1979 Nosferatu, not the original. What a fraud!

Yusef: Yo, I grew up.

Nice!

Yusef: WOOOOOOOOOOO

Meanwhile, this is still going on.

Yusef: Chase ME around the house scaring me, will you? I'd snatch you baldheaded but nature did it for me, spinach puff!

Yorick: Oh my god, have you never heard of electric razors? THIS IS ON PURPOSE! OW!

Yorick: And I look GOOD, okay.

Yusef: You can stay if you want but I'm about to drop a mean mother of a deuce, just so you know. I'm just cleaning the toilet first to make sure it doesn't clog.

I guess the toilet didn't clog after all or Tomato probably wouldn't be playing Polly the Pregnant Pirate Queen in here.

ugh

Here's Yancy.

Yusef: Here's Yusef!

Passing out inches from the toddler blanket! Classic.

Tomato: You know, Yusef is kind of turdly.

Yusef: I bet it's great to run your own business and be free from the drudgery of punching a time clock, right?

Who signed off on this seating arrangement, is what I want to know. Also I expanded the dining table again.

Yancy: Attentions :|

Yorick: Fiiiiiiiine :|

Yorick: Aw, yeah. That's some bust sewer line, all right.

Eugh.

Zillah: Nice arting.

Yusef: Thanks! Hey, could you keep an eye out for my other mom, so I can grab my picture and run if she comes near? She's not super thrilled to be sharing the easel with me.