azaya | Gashlycrumb: 1.1 (Reply)

Okay, so. I always planned to finish the Fritters before I started playing the Gashlycrumbs, and I kind of succeeded; I actually played the earliest part of this update back in January, while I was on generation 7 or 8 of the Fritters. But then I made myself stop because I wanted to finish the Fritters first. Well!

I've finished playing them, but can't seem to make myself sit down and write the last couple of posts, so you get Gashlycrumbs instead. They're my new legacy family, and I've already played up to generation 3, so there should be no shortage of them for awhile.

I hope that is a good thing!

So here is our founder, one Zillah Gashlycrumb! If you read the Fritters you may have seen her floating around town a little, occasionally being ogled by my heirs who were invariably informed that she was off-limits. Now you know why she is off-limits! I am not very good at being cryptic.

It will be very easy to tell at which point I resumed playing post-Fritters, because everyone's hair will change, Zillah's included.

So, what do you think of your new house, Zee? I decorated it just for you!

Zillah: Hmm...

Zillah: You have really questionable taste, brah.

What? How dare you!

I slaved over this house!

I worked on it for ~~minutes~~ days!

GoS circa 2008 would have loved it!

Zillah: Too bad it's 2013 and you don't go to GoS anymore.

I STILL HAVE TUMBLR. TUMBLR LIKES ME. ;~;

Ahem. Anyway. I did the proper legacy thing this time instead of building her a huge mansion, and instead she has a crappy little starter home. I don't remember if it actually came in under $20,000, but I'm pretty sure it did. I used cheap furniture.

Zillah: I'll say. I can feel my spine warping just lying on this old-ass couch.

Hey, not that I'm not loving every second of your complaining, but shouldn't you be doing legacy stuff like finding ~~some ass~~ a mate to share your hopes and dreams?

Zillah: Ugh, fine. First I'm gonna have lunch.

Zillah: Better out than in, I always say!

It smells like Night of the Living Dead in here.

Zillah: Hey there. Every review of your services I've ever read has been in the factual toilet. But I'm a gambler! I'm a risk-taker! I believe you will come through for me.

Matchmaker: Yesssss

Matchmaker: Sup.

Zillah: END MY LONELINESS, FIND ME A LOVER.

Matchmaker: Oh, I'll find you something. I don't know if I'd go as far as 'lover' for the chump change you're offering, though...

Apparently what Zillah paid for is a 'go to jail free' card, because that is an extremely underage teenager. We can always count on you, matchmaker!

Zillah: Hiya. I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, or possibly an attempt at framing me. Either way, though I'm sure you're a very lovely person, I would appreciate it if you left immediately.

Fruszina Klint: Yeah, this isn't really my scene anyway. See ya.

Zillah: Whew. I could feel the wind from that bullet as it passed by.

Since Zillah is now completely broke as well as rightfully suspicious of the matchmaker, I sent her to find a spouse the old-fashioned way: schmoozing at the cemetery!

I'm sure it's old-fashioned for someone.

After a few false starts, none of which were funny enough to document, she met Tomato here!

(Tomato was not named Tomato at the time, her name was Keri or Kelly or something like that. I made her based on the prompt 'tomato' and kept thinking of her as Tomatosim, so after using her in an asylum challenge with Pooklet wherein we both kept calling her Tomato, Tomato she became, officially. /cool starry bra)

An embarrassment of riches.

Zillah: So are you interested in, like, stuff? Me personally, I really like kissing.

Zillah: And I could be convinced to try kissing you.

Tomato: Tee hee~

Tomato: I'll admit that I really do enjoy a good makeout every now and then.

Zillah: Really? That's interesting, because I actually got my degree in makeouts.

Zillah, you didn't even go to college.

Zillah: God, will you shut up? I'm trying to score here! Don't you want the legacying thing to happen?

Back at Casa Gashlycrumb, a butterfly has gotten confused about what is inside and what is outside.

Zillah: Hi, cutie, remember me? I'm the one with the Ph. D in makeouts. Wanna come over and I'll show you my doctorate?

Tomato: Well, I was going to snake my kitchen sink tonight, but that's not pressing, I guess.

So Tomato came over and they had themselves a chaste little date on the front lawn.

"Chaste".

But Tomato didn't stay overnight, so Zillah got a good night's sleep. And the next morning, I realized she was still broke as hell, so I sent her to earn some money. What better way than by digging up free shit in the yard?

Unfortunately, it was at this point that I discovered Zillah is not very good at digging shit up in the yard.

Really.

Not good at all.

Zillah: Hahaha, burst pipe, you're so silly!

But filling in the hole was less silly and she resented it extremely.

Then it was nighttime and Tomato came over again and I took a closeup of her face. Because of reasons (presumably).

And here's where I picked up playing again, you can tell because they got new hairstyles!

That's the only reason for this picture. Totes.

Tomato: That was great! You earned the shit out of that degree.

But once again Tomato didn't stay over. Get it together, Zillah!

Zillah: Leave me alone, I just got laid and I'm feeling logy. I'm just gonna lie here and enjoy the stank for awhile, okay?

In the morning, fresh and reinvigorated from her night spent napping in the sex stank, Zillah decides her true passion is hairdressing. Fine! I'd love to provide a makeover chair.

Unfortunately, Zillah is still broke as butts.

Therefore.

Zillah: &%$#@#&!!

Zillah: Fuck you, dirt.

Dirt: *is wounded*

Zillah: FUCK YOU, ROCKS.

Zillah: AGH! Oh... for a second I thought it was something terrifying, rather than another burst pipe.

Zillah: Hahaha, I don't even care, stock market! See if I care. I don't. Cuz I found something awesome. Ha. Ha ha! Ha!

What did you find, Zee?

Oh, I see. You were being sarcastic.

Zillah: NO, REALLY?!

Tomato: Hi, Zillah. I was just in the neighborhood so I thought I'd stop by... Is this a bad time?

Zillah: NOT AT ALL.

As a matter of fact, it was a stellar time.

Afterwards, Tomato made herself at home at the easel while Zillah whisked off to the kitchen to prepare a romantic meal for her love.

It did not go well.

Zillah: Uh oh. Crap. Shit.

Tomato: Mmm, smells great, baby! Are you grilling in there?

Zillah: Um... yeah! Grilling. Totally grilling.

Zillah surprised me here! She's never started a fire before, nor studied Fire Safety, but she just whipped out a fire extinguisher and got down to business.

For awhile, the outcome seemed in doubt.

But in the end, Zillah prevailed! Unfortunately, she couldn't save the spaghetti.

Zillah: I was trying to make you an A+ meal. I have failed. :<

Tomato: I don't know what you're talking about. These grilled ramen noodles are exquisite.

Tomato: Anyway, it's okay! I bet you're really good at other things. Like wearing hats, for instance.

Zillah: I don't own any hats, but if you think I've got talent...

Tomato: Hee. I appreciate your enthusiasm~

Zillah: Baby, I know.

The hanging skeleton: Oh God. Oh God someone please cover my eye sockets COVER MY EYE SOCKETS I DON'T HAVE EYELIDS

For breakfast, Zillah serves something she can't possibly light on fire, just to be on the safe side.

Emboldened by her culinary success, and recognizing what a catch Tomato is, she puts a ring on it.

Tomato: Hooray! I'm a sugar mama!

Zillah: Hooray! I can stop digging up pipelines to fund my dreams!

And what a dream it is. Who wouldn't want to patronize this elegant establishment?

Nosy customer: I wonder what the purpose of these oil drums is.

We keep the shampoo in the— I mean... trade secret! 8D

Starla Fritter: Just a trim, please!

Zillah: Can do!

Zillah: *as a matter of fact, can't do*

Starla paid anyway, because she's too polite not to and it's not like the Fritters can't afford it.

Ginger O'Busybody: Do you really think it's appropriate to display that first simoleon when you couldn't even do what the customer asked you to do? Personally, I think it's in rather bad taste!

Zillah: Dude, a simoleon's a simoleon...

Mail carrier: Heyyyyyyy

Sneakers von Emohair: *is the strong, silent type*

Tomato: Hi there! Wow, your hair is perfect. I mean PERFECT. But if you're looking to get that perfection fine-tuned, this is the place for you! Sit your ass down in that chair and wait for the magic to unfold.

Sneakers von Emohair: Well... I can't quite picture how my hair could be made more perfect than it already is, but I've got an infernal curious streak. I'll bite.

Tomato: *chases butterflies and is not at all responsible for what happens next*

Sneakers von Emohair: I would not, as such, call this 'perfect'.

But Zillah convinced him to let her try again.

And again.

Zillah: Look, bub. I can't possibly mess it up again even if I do it with my eyes closed, which I will.

Sneakers von Emohair: That sounds reasonable to me!